Charlie: Okay, okay, look, you're not going out to have fun. You never go out to have fun, because you know why? You're not a fun guy! Alan: Oh, oh, I am very much a fun guy. We just have different definitions of fun, and mine doesn't include urinary tract infections and dry heaving.
(Jake is outdoors trying to hold a "Condos For Sale" sign) Alan: Thanks, Mom. This is a perfect first job for him. Charlie: First job? I think you're looking at the birth of a career. Evelyn: I was gonna have him put up fliers, but I didn't trust him with a staple gun. Alan: How much are you paying him? Evelyn: Obviously, too much. Look at him! (Jake is picking his nose) For the record, I promised him $20 and a Playboy magazine. Alan: Playboy? Evelyn: Don't worry. I'll Magic Marker over the ta-tas and hoo-hoos. Charlie: Oh, that's disturbing on so many levels.