My life does not revolve around Lisa Vanderpump.


The only thing that Lisa holds on to more than Giggy, is a grudge.


I'm the same horrible person that she was talking and running to all of my friends about. Why does she want me there now?

Lisa Vanderpump

Are a lot of people chub chubs here?


My friends are on to us. We should just come out to the world.


Abby: Classic story of married boy meets married girl and they get divorced and have terrible sex.
Ford: [chuckles] It is a classic.
Abby: When Harry Met Sally and Harry talked about pooping in his pants.
Ford: [chuckles] They should have made a sequel.

But I will say this, now that we are legally man and man and kid and kid, the shit gets real y'all. Ooo! Marriage, I mean, it's messy and it's hard and it ebbs and flows but that's because it is alive, and that is a good thing. That's what taking that vow is about, that when the fantasy is behind you, you look yourself in the eye and you say, 'I do.' I do, again and again. Max, I do. Always.


Sometimes I feel like you just want to be married; but do you want to be married to me?


You don't understand. Dan is gone! We used to take care of each other and now he's probably going to take my children!


Figure out a way to dial it down. Take care of yourself so you're not taking it out on everybody else!


Mornings aren't for talking. They're for contemplating suicide.


Damon Cash: Wow. Your hands are pretty cramped. Do you use a computer at work?
Abby: Yeah. I tend to point a lot and make fists.

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