Why did the monk leave the monastery? Because he was cloister-phobic.

Jude

Jamie: We can't deliver a baby!
Dave: Yes, we can! Positive mental attitude.
Jamie: I think it takes a little more training!

Buddy: This is me. Just a regular Joe who likes to wear pantyhose. Does that bother you?
Rhonda: No, not at all.
Buddy: In that case, do you mind if I go change?

Bernadette: Well why did you put your finger near it's mouth?
Howard: Poor judgement, obviously.

Penny: Now is that a smart thing to say on a holiday that's basically national sex night?
Leonard: I'm sorry. You're pretty. I'm stupid.

Penny: That's crazy. We have reservations.
Leonard: I know.
Penny: So what did you say?
Leonard: Thanks, sorry to bother you. But I said it like a badass.

You know, once I ordered an Uber by accident. I just got in it and went somewhere.

Sheldon

You're coming after the woman I love.

Mike

Mike: Rachel just got picked up by Gibbs.
Harvey: She arrested her?

Jessica: Our clients are being circled. Our reputation's getting tanked.
Harvey: And Mike Ross is facing prison.

Odell: You're just gonna keep talking, huh?
Coach: The more I talk, the less I have to listen to you trying to convince me to go under the knife.

In my experience, we heal better from the things that are done to us than the things that we do to others.

Rollie