Bernadette: Dan, you have a grandson. How old is he?
Dan: Seven.
Bernadette: I remember him from the picnic. He was the one crying like a wuss the whole time. I heard he was being picked on by a mean kid. Just builds character. Like my dad said, "Nobody likes a crybaby except their mommies and Democrats."
Dan: I need another drink.

Stabler: Okay, we're here. Now what?
Izak: You're gonna thank me.

Emily: Did you mean what you said about trusting my instincts?
Cal: Yeah, they helped us track down a serial killer halfway around the world.

You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months. I usually watch it with my brothers, maybe you can come by during halftime and shoot me in the head?

Ron

Bernard: Do you think he had an existential crisis?
Elsie: I think there's something fucked up with his cognition, and I think you feel exactly the same way I do.

"One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind."

Tom

Weber: Yes, we can confirm the office in Providence was compromised.
Frank: That's an apology where you come from?
Weber: We don't apologize where I come from. We confirm or deny.

Recently, camp's changed. All it takes is one bad dude to infect a place as special as Three Rock. The truth is, that bad due is me. I relapsed here at camp, and it snowballed. There is no one else to blame. I alone take full responsibility.

Bode

Kanan: That song was just a story Famous was telling. Shits made up. Famous ain't in that life.
Davina: Yeah, but you are. I'll see you at school, Kanan.

Maslowe: [The bulletproof vest is damaged.] What happened to the last guy who wore this?
Pride: I shot him.

Cathi: We need a taxi.
Bill: Yea, it'd be better than running.

Adam: Rats.
Board member: Rats?

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