Popular Andy Dwyer Quotes
I promise I will not spit in anyone's food, unless they should request that I do.
Andy: I just wrote a new song, OK? Bottom line: it's called "sex hair." It's about how you can tell when someone just had sex 'cause of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome.
Andy: Uh, I mean that sucked. Didn't it?
Bandmate: Maybe if you sang it like Louie Armstrong?
Andy: Maybe, yeah. I mean here's the thing though: Who is that?
My problem is I don't know how to tell if we're doing good, because when you play a rock show, it's really easy to know if you're doing great because chicks will flash their boobs at you. When you're up on stage. And you're like, "That musta sounded pretty good." But I can't, if that happens here my eyes will fall out of my head and I'll die.
if I'm not mistaken that was the old lady version of flashing. Nailed the gig.
Guitarist: Look, if you're not going to pay rent, at least clean up your dishes.
Andy: Uhhhhhhhhh, is that all?
Guitarist: No. Also the bag of smells was a fun experiment, but it has to stop.
Andy: Come on, no. I'm finally starting to get serious results.
Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?
I've always wanted a doorman, named Ernie. That would be awesome. Or Kip. I'm pretty flexible on that.
April: Here's a great one. It's a Tudor mansion. It's got seven rooms, four bathrooms. It's got a tennis court, a pool and a three-car garage.
Andy: What?
April: And it's only $20,000 a month. And it's in Chicago.
Andy: Ahh, that close. It was almost perfect.
Coffee is my favorite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea. And hot orange juice. Weirdly delicious.
Andy: We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.
Leslie: Office.
The band has had a few different names over the years. When we started we were Teddy Bear Suicide. But then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Then we were God Hates Figs; Department of Homeland Obscurity; Flames for Flames; Muscle Confusion; Nothing Rhymes With Orange; then Everything Rhymes With Orange; Punch Face Champions; Rad Wagon; Puppy Pendulum; Possum Pendulum; Penis Pendulum; Handrail Suicide; Angel Snack; Just the Tip; Threeskin; Jet Black Pope; we went back to Mouse Rat and now we are Scarecrow Boat. God when I hear myself say "Scarecrow Boat" out loud I kind of hate it.
