I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a mustache on her face.

Ann: Let me ask you something. I'm hot.
Andy: Is that a question?

I loved Andy. Loved him. Loved Andy. He was a totally helpless baby when we met. I dated him for three years. Now he's an adult with a job. And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work? That's [expletive].

Ann: Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman. No.

Chris: I'd love to chat with you. Can I call you?
Ann: You have my phone number?
Chris: No, you couldn't remember your phone number. But you gave me your phone.

Tom: Come on, Ann, what are we doing? Maxim or Good Housekeeping?
Ann: I'm not sure which one is the insult.

Tom: In a million years, I never thought you'd be the problem with this photo shoot.
Ann: Didn't you just plan this like two hours ago?

Tom: We need to do something to distract from this... boring area. Now I didn't want to have to do this but we may have to go nude.
Ann: Goodbye, Tom.

Traditionally, when I end a long-term relationship, I'm a little fragile, and I have a tendency to do some reckless things. So I need to stay away from Chris.

Ann: Do you think anybody's going to show up?
Leslie: A) Yes. B) Even if they don't, we'll just put the concert on ourselves. But C) Yes, yes. They're definitely going to show up. Although D) Maybe not.

Ann: You have two broken bones in your right arm, and four in your hand.
Andy: That's the side that hurts.

Ann: I don't think I should go out with you.
Chris: Can I ask you why not? Because I thought we had a great time the night you got drunk and kissed me. And... you did use your tongue.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron