I love games that turn people against each other.

Donna: You'll never guess what I found on Jerry's Facebook.
April: A friend? Buuurn.

I may not have won, but at least I didn't make any new friendships.

This is an impression of my sister, Natalie.. "Hi, I'm Natalie, I like Ritalin and have low self-esteem!"

I gave my gay boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey and it totally made my gay boyfriend jealous.

April: I had to wait until my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. you ready?
Ron: I was born ready. I'm Ron F*%king Swanson.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Last week I was in clue in the Pawnee paper crossword puzzle. The clue? "Who's the worst?"

Leslie

Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia?

Andy