Myka: Are you living in 1957? Getting pregnant is not on my current to do list.
Artie: How about finding an artifact? Is that on your current to do list?

Brother Adrian: The Brotherhood is more powerful than you think.
Artie: I work for some pretty powerful people myself.

Claudia: why the switch up, you know I'm teamed with Jinks
Artie: This is a job, not a "Choose your own adventure.'

Artie: What's next?
Leena: Devil's Lake Country Club.
Artie: A Jew and a Black Woman go to a fancy country club. All we need is a priest and a horse and we could do the whole joke.

Claudia: So when the Warehouse was destroyed...
Artie: ...the world lost hope.

Pete: [pats Artie on the butt as he throws the football] Good game.
Artie: Thank you.

Artie: You're still an expert at breaking and entering.
Claudia: It's like stealing a bicycle.

Claudia: That's why it's a 24-hour stopwatch because Magellan was the first one to sail all around the world.
Artie: So you actually paid attention in fifth grade?
Claudia: Yes, now think back to your youth, and try to remember what he said to you on deck the night he crossed the International Date Line.

Artie: People's lives are far more intertwined than we all realize.
Myka: Intertwined? As in a nutball follows me home from a bar, I release a terrorist from prison, and then what? I lose my job?
Pete: When, you put it that way, yeah.
Artie: Yes.

Claudia: What do you want me to do?
Pete: Break into a large depository filled with mystical artifacts located in the South Dakota Badlands.
Claudia: Warehouse 13? I've been trying to hack into that place for years. One condition.
Pete: Name it.
Claudia: When we're done I get him. [Nods to Artie]
Pete: Deal.
Artie: Hey!
Pete: Relax. She shots you all the time; it's your thing.

Not me I was planning to outlive both of you lunatics.

Artie: What do dogs do when a car zooms off?
Claudia: They chase them.
Artie: Yes, and what do cars have on their back bumpers?
Claudia: License plates! So maybe the dog has the license plate and can tell us - and that's where all of this falls apart!