The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Barney Gumble Quotes
Barney: Hi, Estelle, will you go to the prom with me?
Estelle: I wouldn't go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould.
Barney: Oh shot down again.
Young Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you don't gain a pound.
Young Homer: It's my metaba-ma-lism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
Barney: Hey Homer! You're late for English!
Homer: Pff! English, who needs that? I'm never going to England! Come on. Let's go smoke.
Barney: Wanna go to the prom with me?
Kim: Good God! No!
Barney: Well put.
(At Moe's, Patty interrupts Selma and Barney's date.)
Selma: Patty, are you throwing away your last chance at happiness just for me?
Patty: Yes.
Selma: Oh. Thanks.
Patty: Now, let's go get some pancakes.
Selma: Uh, listen, Barney, uh... Aah.
(Patty and Selma get up and leave.)
Barney: She broke my heart, Moe. (Sobs)
Moe: Don't worry, Barney. Time heals all wounds.
Barney: (Sees a full pitcher of beer.) Well, what do you know? You're right! And, look, a whole pitcher to myself!
Moe: Aw, isn't that nice. Now there is a politician who cares.
Barney: If I ever vote, it'll be for him!
Krusty: (Singing) Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so wonderful, Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so good, no one could be, so gentle and so loveable, Oh Mein Papa he always understood!
Moe: I've got something in my eye.
Barney: Here, take my hanky.
Moe: Euueeh!
Barney: (To Patty) My friend and I have a bet. Are you Mary Tyler Moore?
(Patty sprays mace in Barney's eyes.)
Barney: Ow! Wow, it really is you!
