Leslie: When I first met you I thought you were a fascist hard ass.

Ben: What?

Ben: Should we talk about how you claimed your mom was a Filipino woman you've never met.

Leslie: Should we?

Ben: I think at some point you and I should probably make out with each other.

Leslie: Yeah, good call.

Leslie: I am so sick of this Lindsey-
Tom: Leslie, I've got this. You listen to me Lindsey Carlisle-Shea! Why don't you take your fancy dog, get in your Escalade, and if you've got any job openings maybe you should let me know about them.
Ben: C'mon, man-
Tom: No! I'm sick of being treated like I'm not willing to relocate to Eagleton. Because I am! So, here's what you can do, lady. Take this resume, and shove it in your human resources box.
Andy: OOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yea, shove it there!

Leslie: Oh my god I'm so hungover. I've never been this hungover.
Ben: I feel great. I ran 5K this morning.
Leslie: Really?
Ben: No, I threw up in the shower.

I'm sorry are you eating Turkey Chili off of a frisbee?

Ben: You always separate your lights from your darks.
April: That's racist.

There's a 30% chance they'll die.

(referencing Lil Sebastian) I don't get it. At all. It's kind of a small horse, I mean what am I missing? Am I crazy?

"No Oren I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait, are you asking me or telling me?"

Ben: I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron: It's called the "ground" when it's outside.

Leslie: You're all amazing, wonderful people and I really want you to have fun today and not focus on the fact that if one thing goes wrong, we're all gonna lose our jobs.
Ben: That's not inspiring.