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Parks-and-recreation

Ben: Where did you get a Washington Monument figurine at midnight on a Tuesday?
Leslie: From my office - I have like 50 of them.

Ben: Why are you laughing?
Leslie: Because my dream is dead.

In the last few weeks, we've turned this campaign into a
well-oiled machine. Leslie's stump speech is 10 minutes, 40 seconds,
every time. Here, check this out. There will be a big laugh right ...
now. And now a two-second awkward silence as Leslie does her Rodney
Dangerfield impression.

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

Jen: After a rough start, your girl's doing ok.
Ben: I think she's doing a little better than ok, or did you miss the applause she got on the raccoon safety question?

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

Are you hitting on Leslie for me?

Ben: I guess we'll just set fire to the studio or something.
Leslie: Oh that's so sweet, I've never had a boyfriend willing to commit arson for me before.
Donna: It gets old.

Senior citizens are basically the only people who vote in local elections. So if you want to win you gotta get the gray vote.

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