Favorite Big Mike Quotes
I can't wear this anymore, but you have the hips of a six year old girl. Use them.
Son, when you move into the forest, you can't complain that the wildlife is making too much noise. It's only natural, and beautiful, and frequent.
Lester: I've had three dates already, today.
Big Mike: During work?
Lester: They come to me, man. Not great, uh, individually, but solid fours.
Big Mike: Three fours? That's a twelve.
That's the greatest thing a white person's ever done for me.
Big Mike: Sweet Onion Chicken teriyaki.
Morgan: Yep.
Big Mike: A taste of the Orient in Burbank. The flavors melt together in perfect harmony. Just like me and your mama.
Let the statuesque man work out in peace.
Talk to me, Patel. You seem more angry and unhappy than usual, which is tough because you're a curmudgeonly little guy.
Big Mike: What are you thinking?
Jeff: Pineapple
Barclay: Hey! We know what you did.
Big Mike: Well, do you now?
Barclay: You went too far, Michael. I'm calling the cops.
Big Mike: No you won't, it ain't the Buy More way.
Barclay: What!?
Big Mike: You know the rules; they cut their prices by ten percent, we cuts ours 15. They give away toasters, we give away microwaves. They put their hands on one of ours, we find their Assistant Manager. (Emmett holds him back) You get the picture, don't you?
Big Mike: Grimes! Or should I call you son? Who the hell are all those geeks over there at the Customer Service desk?
Morgan: You were supposed to hire the new green-shirt today.
Big Mike: You want to do the interview? Get a little taste of what the power of management is?
Morgan: Hm...why can't you do it?
Big Mike: Well, your mama asked me to stop by the house today to take care of a few things. There hasn't been a man around in a while and certain things have become...neglected.
Jeff: Like what?
Big Mike: Uh, the plumbing's a mess. I got to get over there and get to lay down some pipe. I got to snake the drain, make sure everything running smoothly again. You're in charge, son. Just think: all of this could be yours some day.
Big Mike: Where's my boy Butterman?
Morgan: Um, he kinda took off suddenly.
Big Mike: Hmm. Can't blame him. A man's gotta run free after being locked up for so long.
Morgan: Yeah, Uummmm...Big Mike, you mind if I ask you what Butterman was in the can for? Are we talking robbery? Drugs? MURDER?
Big Mike: Butterman?
Morgan: Yeah.
Big Mike: God no! Bank fraud - insider trading. The man's a white collar criminal. Why, he take you fools for some money?
Morgan: (nodding) He said he was going somewhere.
Big Mike: Zihuatanejo? (Morgan looks away) Hehe. That's Mexican for Philadelphia. HAHAHAHA.
Morgan: I knew I should've learned Spanish.
Lester: Good morning, Big Michael!
Big Mike: Where the hell did you come from?
Jeff: We have a proposition for you.
Big Mike: I'll pass, excuse me...
Lester: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Two words. NextExpo.
Jeff: That's one word.
Lester: Stop counting.
