Popular Big Mike Quotes
Big Mike: Love the smell of day before Christmas in the morning.
Emmett: There's just nothing quite like the sweet scent of desperate last-minute shoppers in the air.
Big Mike: You jack our prices up 10%?
Emmett: 15. You snooze, you lose.
Big Mike: We're going to rob them blind.
Emmett: Merry Christmas!
Big Mike: Merry Christmas!
Big Mike: Where's my boy Butterman?
Morgan: Um, he kinda took off suddenly.
Big Mike: Hmm. Can't blame him. A man's gotta run free after being locked up for so long.
Morgan: Yeah, Uummmm...Big Mike, you mind if I ask you what Butterman was in the can for? Are we talking robbery? Drugs? MURDER?
Big Mike: Butterman?
Morgan: Yeah.
Big Mike: God no! Bank fraud - insider trading. The man's a white collar criminal. Why, he take you fools for some money?
Morgan: (nodding) He said he was going somewhere.
Big Mike: Zihuatanejo? (Morgan looks away) Hehe. That's Mexican for Philadelphia. HAHAHAHA.
Morgan: I knew I should've learned Spanish.
Lester: Hey! How was the big date?
Big Mike: Gentlemen. It was a night of exquisite passion. I did things with that woman I didn't even know existed, which are likely illegal.
Lester: Yes! So you took our advice?
Big Mike: I lied my ass off.
Morgan: (to Chuck) Do you think the two of us will wind up with smart, beautiful, sexually adventuresome girls on Valentine's Day?
Big Mike: The answer is no. Two jackasses like you, landing two hot pieces like Anna and Blondie? It's a cruel trick of nature.
Big Mike: Grimes! Or should I call you son? Who the hell are all those geeks over there at the Customer Service desk?
Morgan: You were supposed to hire the new green-shirt today.
Big Mike: You want to do the interview? Get a little taste of what the power of management is?
Morgan: Hm...why can't you do it?
Big Mike: Well, your mama asked me to stop by the house today to take care of a few things. There hasn't been a man around in a while and certain things have become...neglected.
Jeff: Like what?
Big Mike: Uh, the plumbing's a mess. I got to get over there and get to lay down some pipe. I got to snake the drain, make sure everything running smoothly again. You're in charge, son. Just think: all of this could be yours some day.
Barclay: Hey! We know what you did.
Big Mike: Well, do you now?
Barclay: You went too far, Michael. I'm calling the cops.
Big Mike: No you won't, it ain't the Buy More way.
Barclay: What!?
Big Mike: You know the rules; they cut their prices by ten percent, we cuts ours 15. They give away toasters, we give away microwaves. They put their hands on one of ours, we find their Assistant Manager. (Emmett holds him back) You get the picture, don't you?
Morgan: We can't get away with this, okay, we can't be calm and collected this time.
Big Mike: (to Emmett about the damage to his face) Let me see it. No, Morgan. We will remain calm and collected. We will be calm and collected when we go to Beverly Hills tonight. And we will be calm and collected when we use my manager's code to get into the store. And then we're going to be calm and collected when we burn that mother-loving store to the ground.
Morgan: Sir, what exactly are we doing here?
Big Mike: Payback.
Morgan: I see. Does payback involve illegal activities?
Big Mike: Damn well better.
Lester: Good morning, Big Michael!
Big Mike: Where the hell did you come from?
Jeff: We have a proposition for you.
Big Mike: I'll pass, excuse me...
Lester: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Two words. NextExpo.
Jeff: That's one word.
Lester: Stop counting.
Big Mike: Sweet Onion Chicken teriyaki.
Morgan: Yep.
Big Mike: A taste of the Orient in Burbank. The flavors melt together in perfect harmony. Just like me and your mama.
I can't wear this anymore, but you have the hips of a six year old girl. Use them.
Big Mike: Did I just hear you don't have Thanksgiving plans? That's terrible, damn terrible. I'm amazed to find so many staff members without proper plans for Thanksgiving. Like those two poor creatures. (Points to Jeff and Lester)
Morgan: Sir, are you inviting us to dinner?
Big Mike: No...God, no.
