What about you? You ever take a trip down to girlie town?

Shane: Why don't you sell something people want.
Celia: Like what?
Shane: Like drugs.

They were going to sell my gallbladder to the Japanese. Fortunately, my body is a toxic pit.

Celia: That was humiliating.
Rudolfo: I know. I'm sorry, I could not untie you.
Celia: You're supposed to wipe front to back

Celia Hodes: I followed Dean here, did you see him?
Nancy Botwin: Yes, I did, they were playing poker
Celia Hodes: Oh, great, now he's going to come home broke, stinking of marijuana. Guess that's better than oriental pussy.

Nancy: (sees Shane get knocked down on soccer field) Foul! Ref, what's the matter with your whistle?!
Celia: Well, technically, Nancy, the Ref can't call a foul. Shane was kicked by his own teammates.

Silas: I love her.
Celia: You stuck your penis in her. That's not love, believe me.

Tennis Pro: We need to go somewhere where we can get very, very drunk.
Celia: I'm a mean drunk. Let's go.

Celia: You really should lock your front door.
Nancy: I do lock it. But Lupita leaves it open so she doesn't have to dig for her keys. Drives me insane.
Celia: Subtle revenge for having to clean our toilets.
Nancy: I still say we got the better end of that deal.

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