Weeds

Earlier in the fifth season of Weeds, Shane got shot.

This week, on the season finale of the Showtime hit, the second youngest Botwin son got his revenge on Pilar - in an unexpected, shocking way!

What do we mean? Read our full recap of "All About My Mom" to find out!

A couple Weeds quotes from this week's season-ending installment:

Nancy: If you come anywhere near my children, I'll kill you myself. | permalink

Andy: I know all the best rehab centers. I'm totally addicted to that show Intervention. | permalink

The season is finally catching up with Nancy Botwin.

Faced with a missing husband, she was confronted about her actual feelings for Esteban during this episode; while Andy and Shane also questioned the choices she's made as a mother.

Read all about the latest developments in our recap of "Glue."

A few revealing Weeds quotes from last night:

Shane: Do you ever go back to right after dad died and wish you could do things differently?
Nancy: I try not to.
Shane: I do. All the time. | permalink

Silas: Don't tell anyone I was noble. | permalink

Andy: What is the glue that holds your relationship together?
Nancy: I don't even need the choices on this one. I'm gonna say Elmer's. | permalink

There's definitely a problem on this season of Weeds:

So much of the storyline is centered on Nancy's relationship with Esteban, yet it's unclear how we're supposed to feel about this man. The show makes him out to be caring and sympathetic when it wants to; and over-bearing and, well, rapey at other times.

Last night, for example, something happens to Esteban at the conclusion of the episode that's meant to leave the viewer feeling angry and confused. But it falls flat.

To what are we referring? Find out in our recap of "Ducks and Tigers."

This week on Weeds, a main character said goodbye; another refused to go away; and Nancy made someone an offer to ensure that her mortal enemy does, indeed, go away... forever.

Dean also dipped his testicles in a mug of hot coffee.

Read a full recap of "Perro Insano" right now.

Sunday night's new episodes of Weeds and Nurse Jackie scored ratings that were even more impressive than each show's season premieres in June.

First, Weeds, averaged 1.61 million viewers. It was the highest-rated episode of the calendar year.

Immediately following the Mary Louise Parker series, Nurse Jackie pulled in 1.36 million viewers. It was the most-watched episode in (short) series history.

Everything seemed like it would work on on Weeds last night.

At least momentarility.

Andy and Nancy acted like legitimate, responsible parents (minus one STD scare for Shane), as the future for this family didn't look so bleak for a change.

Then, it all ended with a bang. Literally. Read more about what we mean via our full recap of "Suck 'n' Spit."

A couple Weeds quotes from last night nicely sum of Andy and Nancy's unusual relationship:

Nancy: Why is the bed moving?
Andy: There must be an earthquake.
Nancy: Are you jerking off?!? | permalink

Nancy [asking Andy to suck her nipple]: Be the baby! | permalink

When Esteban refused to let Nancy put him down as the father on the birth certificate on last night's Weeds, Nancy decided she was done with him and took the baby home with her back to Andy's.

For the first time ever, Andy was able to stand up to Nancy, giving him the confidence to shave that disgusting excuse for a beard and ask out Audra!

Find out how the date went and why Dean got so much business in our "A Distinctive Horn" recap.

Now for some of our favorite Weeds quotes from the episode.

Pilar: Do you know why I've never had children?
Nancy: Because you'd eat them and children are super fattening? | permalink

Silas [about baby Botwin]: He's kind of cute
Shane: Who cares? He's probably just gonna want to play soccer | permalink

Esteban: Our son will be baptized by a priest in a church
Nancy: Sorry, he's Jewish. Snip, snip. Eat fish. Start saving for law school | permalink

Nancy gave birth to her son at the conclusion of this week's episode of Weeds... but it wasn't an easy ordeal.

First, she had to escape from Esteban's mansion and convince Andy that he should help her one final time. From there, she had to slide her pregnany body into the window of the General Lee. Tough stuff.

Read our full recap of "Where the Sidewalk Ends" to see what else went down.

Esteban is a scary, confused, drug lord of a father!

Keep your eyes - and ears! - open next week on Weeds.

According to Michael Ausiello, the Showtime hit will feature (albeit briefly), a recurrence of its former theme song, "Little Boxes," on the episode "Where the Sidewalk Ends."

The TV columnist also teases that Andy refuses a gift on the episode, a gift he really wants. Ummm, is it Nancy's vagina?

Finally, in a storyline that got started last week, Celia goes into business with an Avon-esque company. The results, to no one's surprise, will be disastrous.

Celia is out of jail; but, of course, far from out of trouble.

Kate del Castillo made quite an impression on Weeds viewers this week when she debuted as Pilar Guzman, a Mexican drug lord that will clearly cause a problem for Nancy and Esteban.

To close the episode "A Modest Proposal," the character stormed into Esteban's mansion, screamed at Nancy's baby daddy and then left. When Nancy asked what was going on, her fiance replied that they can no longer get married.

So, what did del Castillo actually say? We've basically translated the outburst. Check it out:

Pilar: Esteban, what do you think you're doing? You've gone far enough, don't you think? It's one thing to have an adventure with a b*tch gringa... until you end up having a child with her... but marrying her? Are you crazy? All of the eyes of Mexico are watching you. All of my expectations, my work, my money, my time is invested in you. You should've killed the b*tch gringa when you had the chance.
Esteban: Are you saying I have to pick between you and Nancy?
Pilar: No, you have to choose between yourself and the gringa.

In other words: there are people much higher up on the drug lord food chain than Esteban. And it's safe to say they don't like Nancy very much.

We'll have to tune in next week to see where this goes.