(To Rachel) Wait a minute, I know that hat. I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me. I can't have children!

Chandler: Joey will be right down. He's just looking for his mask.
Monica: A swim mask?
Chandler: No, his gorilla mask. He wears it in the ocean to scare off the fish.

Chandler: If worse comes to worse, I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica: (Laughing) Yeah right.

Ross: All right, so Chandler, from now on, don't give your boss a chance to get you. You know, just, don't turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or, you could teach him a lesson, you know? What you could do is you could rub something that smells really bad on your butt, right? Then, when he goes to smack you, his hand will smell. Now, what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: What if Joey was president?

(While watching Pete's fight on TV) Run! Run you crazy, rich freak.

Have you ever wondered if there's a town in Missouri or something named Sample? And then as you're driving to the town there's like, a sign that says, "You're in Sample?"

Chandler: I don't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think it's okay to be that guy.

Boss: And remember, there is no "I" in team.
Chandler: Yes, but there's two in "martini", so everybody back to my office!

Rachel: (On the subject of congratulatory butt-slapping) I don't understand guys. I'd never congratulate Monica on a great stew by grabbing her boob.
Chandler: Yeah, for a really great stew you just stick your head in between them.
Monica: Can we please go eat?
Ross: Yeah, what are we getting?
Monica: Anything but stew.

Ross: Listen, I need a favor. Um, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I, ah, I, well I felt something.
Chandler: Was it like a sneeze only better?

Vince: (About being a firefighter) 98 hot saves, highest in the force.
Chandler: Well, ya know, if Joey and I played with matches we could get you up to an even hundred.

Joey: Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler: Or Dick.

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Monica: What's "PLEH?"
Joey: That's help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Ah...what's doofus spelled backwards?