Carob cookies and berries are literally my favorite dessert alternative.

Hopefully that will help any sensitivity you have around your…boob hats.

I’ve been reading up on nipples.

Everything is amazing. Today is perfect. And I love you.

Chris: Ron, I want to do things the Swanson way.
Ron: Wonderful. First rule. No conversation lasts longer than 100 total words. I have used 9. You have used 20.

April: Every year we would dress up as demons and we would egg Larry’s house.
Larry: That was you?
Chris: Please, Larry, this is a private conversation.

Sir, I formally retract my hug.

It appears that where #BitchBoss is clearly an indication of frustration #BossBitch is a term of endearment. Isn't language fun? It's like racquetball! For your mouth!

I think a lot of things. I like thinking. I also like racquetball.

Ben, it's been an honor watching you work today. It's been like watching Leonardo work. Da Vinci or Dicaprio—you're that good.

Together, as a town, we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees.

Due to a tragic misunderstanding, the prettiest pig beauty pageant has been replaced by a pork rib barbeque competition.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April