I don't entirely understand the behavior of young people. Recently we engaged in something called a group hang. It was like a date but there were seven other people there.

I have thousands of seconds!

Chris: To Tom Haverford! Wooo!
Tom: And to my wife Rihanna! We truly did find love in a hopeless place.

I don't know if you know this, but things with fat in them taste way better than things that don't!

Ron: I started working on something very important. Can you help me?
Chris: Yes sir.
Ron: It's a flight of stairs leading to nowhere.

When I get bummed out I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty.

It's just a piece of paper. He only made it for me after I specifically asked for it after crying loudly. It sure meant a lot to receive it.

Chris: What did you do for her?
Ron: Fixed her pothole.
Chris: Is that a euphemism?

I love this idea and I love me for thinking of it.

If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I
will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

If I had to have anybody tell me that I have cancer, I would want it to be me.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!