Favorite Dan Humphrey Quotes
Gossip Girl: This just in - we hear there's a cold war brewing between Lonely Boy and a certain blue blood. We never thought we'd say this ourselves...
Serena: There you are. What's going on?
Dan: I'll tell you what's going on. I just became your escort to the ball.
Gossip Girl: ... But our money's on Brooklyn for the win!
Serena: I don't understand. How did you end up in a kiss in the first place? Any kiss?
Dan: We both were alone over Christmas break.
Blair: And we ran into each other at the movies.
Dan: And then it kept happening after the break, only we started making plans to meet.
Blair: And even worse. Enjoying it!
Blair: (Answering Serena's cellphone)Who dare interrupt the Van Der Woodsen as she teaches?!
Dan: Dan...Humphrey (As Blair and Serena argue about the phone in the background)
Blair: Sorry, the number you dialed is no longer is service.
Serena: Stop it, who is it?
Blair: I'm doing you a favor.
Dan: Look I can hear you. Can I just please talk to Serena?
Blair: Apparently you can, cabbage patch
Nate: I can't believe you didn't get that girl's number.
Dan: How long is Bree in Texas? Because maybe she should edit your English paper.
Nate: Oh, I'm sorry. I just expected more game from the guy who dated Serena van der Woodsen.
Dan: There she is. That's Kate. That's the girl I'm talking about, she's right there.
Nate: [sees it's Olivia Burke] That girl? That's ... a ... sign. That you should go ask her out!
Dan: Treatment involves trying to make the patient feel again.
Chuck: That's what I was doing before you showed up.
Dan: Well, how about instead of pain, you try to feel good things? I could tickle you.
Rufus: Well for what it's worth, when Lily and I started hanging out again, neither of us wanted anyone else to know. But friendship can be an excuse—a cover when there's something more you don't want to admit, or you're too scared to explore.
Dan: No... no. No. I mean, there's no way. I mean even the thought of that is—
Rufus: Scary.
Dan: No, I mean we're not even friends. I swear... we're not.
Blair: Is the pedal to the metal? Because I swear if I shove my feet through the floor I could run faster. At least there's no radio so I'm spared your horrid taste in music. I think we were supposed to turn there.
Dan: You know I'd tell you to stop being such a back seat driver but how can you be one when you don't even know how to drive.
Blair: I offered to get us a car service. Professional driver, comfortable seats, champagne!
Dan: We're on a mission here.
Serena: I noticed the other day that you don't wear a watch. And then it occurred to me it's because you don't have a watch. You're going to need one to be punctual for all the meetings with editors and publishers, now that you're fancy and, apparently, self-important writer... You don't like it. You want the band changed.
Dan: No! I love the band. I love the whole thing. It's the most amazing watch I've ever seen... but I can't accept this.
Serena: What? Yes, you can. Look, it's more of a gift for me because I had so much fun picking it out for you. You have to.
Dan: Serena, I buy a book for my dad every Christmas. I think the most elaborate gift I've ever given has been a pair of rubber boots from L.L. Bean.
Serena: So, then, I overdid it?
Dan: I think even when you're underdoing it, you're overdoing it.
Dan: I can't believe Nate Archibald is a gigolo.
Vanessa: You can't tell anyone!
Dan: Who? Who would I tell? Except everyone I've ever met. [pauses] I won't.
Serena: Merry Christmas!
Dan: [speechless]
Serena: Do you like it? Do you think it's cheesy?
Dan: No, no its incredible. How did you do this?
Serena: Well, I had help from my elves.
Dan: Your present is waiting for you at home. But, um, I did bring you a little pre-present.
Serena: This is your story.
Dan: Its the original. Right out of the spiral notebook.
Serena: I'm kinda scared to read it. What happened on October 8th, 2005?
Dan: Umm, well I was accidentally invited to a birthday party. Where I met a girl. She only spoke two sentences to me but I've never forgotten her.
Serena: Wait, your story is about me?
Nate: (re: Vanessa) I saw a DVD of The Ring Cycle at her house and I figured she might like some champagne in my family's box.
Dan: Yeah, that's good, that's good. Don't tell her you saw that DVD though, because I pointed it out once and she made me watch the whole thing with no subtitles. If you've ever seen Clockwork Orange, then you know how that ended up.
Nate: What's a clockwork orange?
Blair: Let's make it clear from the start. We don't know each other here.
Dan: [pauses] Works for me.
Vanessa: Me too.
