Dan Humphrey Quotes
Rufus: Well for what it's worth, when Lily and I started hanging out again, neither of us wanted anyone else to know. But friendship can be an excuse—a cover when there's something more you don't want to admit, or you're too scared to explore.
Dan: No... no. No. I mean, there's no way. I mean even the thought of that is—
Rufus: Scary.
Dan: No, I mean we're not even friends. I swear... we're not.
Dan: You ever hung out with someone but not been able to tell anyone?
Rufus: You mean, ah, hang out, hang out or, you know... "hang out" hang out?
Dan: Oh god, this was a bad idea.
Rufus: What? That was vague.
Rufus: So why did you want to grab coffee with your old man?
Dan: Do I need a reason?
Rufus: No, but you have one.
Dan: I, ah, I need your advice. But I gotta keep the details vague.
Rufus: Please, the vaguer the better. It keeps parenting a challenge.
Blair: Okay. I arrive first, survey the location in case there's anyone I know, and scout out an exit strategy. You arrive at least fifteen minutes later. Plausible deniability. We just ran into each other.
Dan: You're really big on plausible deniability. Has anyone ever told you that?
Blair: I can't believe I let you talk me in to the Joseph Beuys exhibit after all.
Dan: There's a great article in here. You should read it.
Blair: We should go over field trip procedures again.
Dan: Oh joy.
Blair: I thought that if I could be the Blair Waldorf that I want to be a little sooner, that maybe I could return to Chuck before he fell for someone else.
Dan: Well you do know Reina broke up with him.
Blair: Yes. In my head. But in my heart I feel further away than ever. Tonight he's thinking about a different girl. And meanwhile, I lost my job, I failed a test... I almost got my best friend's mother arrested. And I'm in Brooklyn. Talking about it to Dan Humphrey.
Dan: Ah, well. I'm about to order some pizza if you want to stay.
Blair: Your "friends as fashion" metaphor was well-executed, but did not save my job.
Dan: You got fired.
Blair: Slash quit. Donna said they'd been watching me for awhile, hoping for the best, but let's face it I'm imploding.
Dan: What are you doing here? This is Serena's brother's birthday party. It's not okay for you to just show up here.
Vanessa: All I want to do is apologize for the part I played in what happened to her. I had no idea that that was Juliet's plan. And you know me, Dan. I would never be okay with things going that far.
Dan: Yeah, that's what my sister said before she did the right thing and came clean. You, on the other hand, pointed the finger at her and left town.
Dan: I know you only admitted you needed me so you could make me your drug mule.
Blair: That sticky note was meant for Penelope. Frankly with her attitude she could use some time behind bars.
Dan: So that's it? There's no "I'm sorry I could have gotten you arrested."?
Blair: Well, you're here. The party's lovely. Everything obviously turned out fine.
Serena: Except that you sent Dan to get the wrong flowers. The tulips with the coke were pink.
Blair: And I wrote that down. This one's on you, Humphrey.
Dan: You wrote purple. Classic Stroop Effect.
Blair: Where you write or say a color that you see instead of the one you mean. You're not the only one who knows his neurodysfunction.
Dan: Tell her that I got all of her texts and her handwritten letters and I will be in touch when I'm ready.
Ben: He says— Do I really have to say that? Shouldn't you just talk to her yourself?
Dan: No no no. Giving her the message myself will defeat the entire purpose of message.
Dan: Now what's so urgent?
Blair: I wanted to tell you... that you were right... about that thing.
Dan: And now which thing was that?
Blair: I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
Dan: "As a friend and peer, not as an underling."
Blair: As my friend and peer not my underling.
Serena: Blair, we need your help with a scheme.
Dan: She can't.
Blair: Ah— I can! New paragraph. "The Nude Maja began Goya's separation from religious iconography—"
Serena: What are you doing here?
Dan: I'm leaving. This just went from Woman on the Verge to Saw II. I don't really like gore porn really.
