Dave: You guys wouldn't understand, neither of your ancestors were at the first Thanksgiving
Jane: Ok, neither were the Navajo.
Dave: One of our many snubs.

If I don't show up with a sack of clams I'm gonna look like a real dope!

Old Dave and Alex never made any effort to be romantic at all. You and I just tried so hard we shut down O'Hare for two hours.

Dave: All that's in here his travel Guess Who and a terrifying amount of condoms.
Alex: They're for your penis.

Why do I always have to be LaToya?

Dave: Alex and Dave, much like Dave's new haircut are keeping it cazsh.
Alex: Trust us the last thing we want is for things to get complicated like in It's Complicated, so we're just gonna go with it like in Just Go With It and be friends with benefits like in No Strings Attached.

Max: You should watch the gay history channel.
Dave: That's a real thing?
Derek: Yeah it's called Bravo.

Yes I went to her prom but only because I was writing a newspaper story for the Chicago Sun Times and my boss Gary Marshall was breathing down my neck!

Alex: Well as long as Dave doesn't bring someone from Degrassi junior high again, I'm sure we'll be alright.
Dave: Hey if Degrassi's on the field, play ball. Am I right? Sorry proud of the wordplay, not the message.

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