Tommy: You have to buy me a toy.
Charlie: I don't have to buy you shit.
Tommy: If you don't buy me anything, I'm going to tell my mom you took me to a black people's house.
Dee: Okay.
Charlie: Wow! Oh, my God! That's racist. What do you, what do you say to that?
Tommy: You still have to buy me a toy!

• Permalink: You have to buy me a toy. I don't have to buy you s**t. If y...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Ah, I mean I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing, you know?
Dee: Like be there for her?
Charlie: No get her an abortion.

• Permalink: Ah, I mean I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dee [re: the lawyer]: Wow, what an asshole.
Dennis: You are killing a man, you know that, right?
Doctor: There's a lot of mercy in this decision. I commend it.
Dennis: Technically, we gave the order to him to give to you.
Dee: Yeah, if you feel like commending, if you're in the mood for commending...
Dennis: If you're going to throw some commendations around...

• Permalink: Wow, what an asshole. You are killing a man, you know that, ri...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?

• Permalink: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa d...
• Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Bill: Oh, so you've looked over the proposal?
Dee [as Prudence, in a horrible Canadian accent]: Yah, i sure did and I
tell you what - I seen better lookin' moose turds in Rick Moranis'
backyard, ya hosers.

• Permalink: Oh, so you've looked over the proposal? Yah, i sure did and I ...
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

It was weird that they were Asian.

• Permalink: It was weird that they were Asian.
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Don't make me do it Cricket. I will slice you in half!

• Permalink: Don't make me do it Cricket. I will slice you in half!
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

You guys all better eat a dick 'cause Sweet Dee beat the system.

• Permalink: You guys all better eat a d**k 'cause Sweet Dee beat the system.
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Dee: I don't know how you guys live with yourselves.
Charlie: One day at a time.
Mac: One day at a time.
Dennis: One day at a time.

• Permalink: I don't know how you guys live with yourselves. One day at a t...
• Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Dee: Who slams a door?
Frank: Babies.
Dennis: That guy has some real growing up to do. Have some repect for Christ's sake... I am legend.

• Permalink: Who slams a door? Babies. That guy has some real growing up ...
• Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Frank: When it's white people, it's surviving. When it's black people, it's looting.
Dee: No Frank. It's because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers.

• Permalink: When it's white people, it's surviving. When it's black people, ...
• Rating: 4.2 / 5.0

You should take your powerful extension cord argument straight to the Supreme Court.

• Permalink: You should take your powerful extension cord argument straight t...
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0