Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard Quotes
Ducky: Kiddos? Plural? You and Breena are expecting twins?
Palmer: Oh I thought I told you, doctor. Once we found out we were pregnant we decided that it was a sign that we were meant to have two. So, you know, we're going to adopt a second eventually.
Ducky: Why not a third or a fourth? Two boys and two girls. I can see it now. You and Breena with a row of ducklings following behind.
Palmer: I can see it too.
- Permalink: Palmer's brood.
Tony: Oui, oui, monsieur. Je suis very special Agent DiNozzo.
Ducky: The French do see arrogance as a virtue. So you'll be welcome there. But remember: in France, only tip 6%.
- Permalink: Ducky's tips for France.
Gibbs: The VA's got a lot of programs for vets, Doc. I wonder why Durbin was living on the streets.
Ducky: I recently read a HUD report. It estimates on any given night, between fifty and sixty thousand men and women who have served, are sleeping on the streets or in shelters.
- Permalink: Startling stats on homeless vets.
Gibbs: What do you think, Duck?
Ducky: It was not that texting driver that killed the ensign, but that damned fool should be stripped of both his phone and his car.
- Permalink: Ducky's laid-back stance on texting drivers.
Ducky: If you have to change the diaper of a sleeping child, you need to be efficient. I would also think that you need to---
Gibbs: Keep the lights low, and the room quiet.
- Permalink: Don't wake the baby.
Tony: The little autopsy gremlin is growing up.
Ducky: His whole life is going to change.
Gibbs: Over and over.
- Permalink: Palmer rushes out and everyone prognosticates.
Palmer: I've always been fascinated by private detectives.
Ducky: Yes, I would venture that's because you were influenced by the great literary British detectives. Sherlock Holmes, Jane Marple. They were all intelligent, cultured, articulate, refined. Not shady and unethical, like this hustler, this miscreant.
Abby: I like Ace Ventura.
- Permalink: Who indeed.
Ducky: I don't understand why people run.
Palmer: Well it's therapeutic. It has great cardio-vascular benefits. What's more, it gets the old endorphins pumping. I tell you, running gives me a great high.
Ducky: I was referring to the driver running from the scene of the accident, Mr. Palmer.
Gibbs: Duck, I have to be careful how I handle this, for Carrie's sake. She could get disbarred.
Ducky: I know you, Jethro. It sounds as if she's doing the right thing, as you are.
Gibbs: There's no right way to be his son.
Ducky: Just as there is no right way for you to act as his father. The pain of watching a parent age is unlike any other. I vividly remember the first time my mother needed help brushing her hair.
Gibbs: It's backwards.
Ducky: It certainly feels like that. But in the end, well, it's simply life.
- Permalink: It certainly feels like that. But in the end, well, it's simply life.
Tony: Do I seem okay to you?
Ducky: Markedly better than the last occupant of that table.
- Permalink: Do I seem okay to you? Markedly better than the last occupant ...
Palmer: Speaking of shaking things up, Brina and I, we're having a baby.
Ducky: My dear Jimmy! Such news shouldn't be delivered as an aside. How long have you known? When is the baby due?
Palmer: Brina's not "due" due. We're on a waiting list. We decided to adopt. We figured there were so many unwanted kids out there that we'd adopt first.
Ducky: Bravo Mr. Palmer! Such a decision is admirable and positively thrilling.
- Permalink: Speaking of shaking things up, Brina and I, we're having a baby....