The world wide web. It astonishes me how people post their privates....private information for all to see. Such individuals would never leave a note on the front door "the house is empty"...so why treat their computers differently?

Ducky: My mind has been scattered with grandfatherly worries.
Gibbs: Grandfather?
Ducky: Mr. Palmer has declared when the child is of speaking age, she will call me "Grand-Ducky".

Tony: We can handle it.
Gibbs: What?
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.

Bishop: Sarah Goode is....incredible. I mean after everything she's been through she's handling it so well.
Ducky: And your concern is...?
Bishop: It's all going to hit her later.
Ducky: Well some people don't begin to experience the symptoms until later. It's called delayed onset post traumatic stress disorder. And it affects almost a quarter of PTSD cases.
Bishop: Sarah wants to go back to the orphanage in Syria.
Ducky: That would be a big mistake. It could trigger...
Bishop: A breakdown.
Ducky: Yeah.

Palmer: No. I don't want to.
Ducky: You don't want to what, Mr. Palmer?
Palmer: I don't want to know how much her liver weighs. I don't want to catalogue her scars. Most of all, I don't want to cut open another friend. Think I've had my limit.

Sergei wants to hurt you. It's clear he blames you for something. Something that wounded him to the core. And now it's payback time. But killing you is inadequate. He wants to see you suffer. Which means that all bets are off on what might come next, or for whom he might come.

Ducky: Allow me to impart a little bit of wisdom that I have given to each and every aspiring agent before you, on this your probie eval day. Don't fret your number. Jethro gives low scores to push you.
Bishop: Wait. What?
Palmer: The lower your score, the more potential Gibbs thinks you have.
Bishop: So if you got a high score?
Ducky: Then, I would advise you to turn in your badge

Ducky: I think I hear my pillow calling. Unless, of course, you'd like to talk about the real reason you're down here?
Bishop: A suspect got away because of me. I completely screwed up, Ducky. And I went to Gibbs to explain but he said it was fine. Which, I know it's not. And...
Ducky: Eleanor, when the world overwhelms I find the best thing to do is to start by accomplishing just one little thing.
Bishop: I really don't think I can do that anymore.
Ducky: If you actually believe that - why are you sitting on the frigid floor, in the middle of the night?

Ducky: What happens when frogs park illegally?
Palmer: They get towed

Bishop: Whoa. Is that you?
Ducky: Yes. Hard to believe, isn't it?
Bishop: You were hot, like really really....never mind.
Ducky: I really loved that turtleneck.

Ducky: I can still save your life.
Godfrey: Oh yeah?
Ducky: There is still time.
Godfrey: All mouth and no trousers, this one.
Ducky: You feeling light-headed? I just nicked your brachial artery. You'll be dead in less than ninety seconds.
Godfrey: Having trouble breathing.
Ducky: Yes, that would be your dying of hypo-bulimic shock. The sweating and chest pains are normal. Seventy seconds.
Godfrey: You have to do something.
Ducky: No I don't. But if you tell me why my best friend is dead, I'll consider it. Sixty seconds.
Godfrey: We were running a prostitution ring out of Angus' hotel.
Margaret: My husband would never let you do that.
Godfrey: He didn't have a choice. We told him if he ratted us out we'd kill you. He was a sneaky one.
Ducky: Angus found out that you were also running a smuggling ring in the U.S. He tried to get the evidence to me. He hoped that NCIS would take you down. That you'd go to jail and never know who sent you there. Angus would be free. But it didn't quite work out that way, did it?
Godfrey: We found his email to Colpepper. Couldn't let him talk. That's all I know. Fix my arm already.
Ducky: No. No that's not all you know. You said we were running a prostitution ring. You're just an errand boy, a go-fer. Put in place to keep an eye on Angus. So who's really in charge? Is it someone you're willing to die for? If so, you're welcome to be my guest.

Margaret: I thought you hated bow ties.
Ducky: I do. They're impossible to keep straight.
Margaret: Why are you stlll---

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.

Fornell