Venture Brothers

Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon Network
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Monstroso! That's what this is about? He's king of the double cross. I mean, think about it. He's a lawyer and a super villain. That's like a shark with a grenade launcher on his head.

Dr. Venture: And here we are. Alone. What would the neighbors think?
Dr. Girlfriend: The neighbors are AuntiMatter, who's a spinster who shape shifts, and Flying Squid, he's pretty self-explanatory. So I don't think they'd find this weird.
Dr. Venture: I have a magic guy living in my house. And my former arch enemy is now my bodyguard.
Dr. Girlfriend: So, looks like what we made it. Exactly what my parents wanted for me. Guaranteed.

Dr. Girlfriend [about Captain Sunshine]: What'd he do to you
The Monarch: The usual he threw me in jail. He literally threw me right into the yard of the state prison and he shouts up to the warden, "looks like this one won't be causing any more trouble." Then he flies off with this gay salute
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh my god
The Monarch: Apparently he's never heard of due process

The Monarch: How long have we been trying to kill this schmuck, ten, twenty years?
Dr. Girlfriend: I dunno, since Marky Mark had a funk bunch?
The Monarch: Do you want to know how to really hurt Venture?
Dr. Girlfriend: Not really, but as a wife I try and be supportive
The Monarch: In the pocketbook!

Dr. Girlfriend: You should have replaced his blood with acid after this part. The sharks won't touch him.
Monarch: Thanks, Dr. Girlfriend, now you tell me. Lower the giant hairdryer!

Monarch: Hey! Let's move the Monarch Mobile to the other side of the lot. It'll totally screw with the henchmen's heads!
Dr. Girlfriend: I have never seen this side of you.

Monarch: Look over there. It's the Bearded Spectre. Oh my god, look what he's got on...
Dr. Girlfriend: Are those giant shorts or tiny pants?

Dr. Girlfriend: Hey is that the guy from Depeche Mode?
Monarch: It is the guy from Depeche Mode. He's with a woman?
Dr. Girlfriend: Oh yeah, he's totally straight. I saw a story about him on the VH1.
Monarch: But he's the guy from Depeche Mode!

Dr. Venture: Hello, come in, Monarch. This is Dr. Thaddeus Venture. What is your status? Over.
Dr. Girlfriend: And who may I say is calling?
Dr. Venture: You know damn well who I am. I just said my name is Dr. Thaddeus Venture. Now put the Monarch on...

The Monarch: What is this, Diet? Why did you get Diet?!
Dr. Girlfriend: I didn't.
The Monarch: Taste this then!
Dr. Girlfriend: Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.
The Monarch: How do you do that!? How can you not tell the difference?! God, it's like having my Dad do the shopping

Displaying all 10 quotes

Venture Bros. Quotes

Hank: You are not the boss of me
Sgt Hatred: Au contraire, I am tony danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano. I am full on Charles In Charge of you

Hank: Is it just me or does every Nazi want to clone Hitler? It's like the only they think about
Srgt. Hatred: It seems that way, right. I guess when everyone hates you, you just fixate on making rotten Hitlers