Dr. Gregory House Quotes
Operation Valkyrie is now in effect.
Dr. Wilson: Cuddy will be home from work in six hours. But no big deal. I'll just scream, "Look over there," while you quickly shove a scope up her daughter's rectum.
House: I could offer to baby-sit again, let her have the night out.
Dr. Wilson: Sure. That won't raise any suspicions.
House: I wish I was nicer.
Dr. Foreman: Where are you?
House: I believe this is what your people term a poopie call.
Dr. Foreman: Uh, the word's booty.
House: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but this is a poopie call.
House: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? I know about the Jew, the black, and the Croc Hunter, but when did we get our Asian persuasion on?
Taub: Dr. Cheng is the NICU attending on the case, and she's not here.
House: Well, then I just wasted a perfectly good racial epithet.
Dr. Cuddy: Let's stay at my place tonight, okay?
House: Will you get cable?
Dr. Cuddy: No.
House: Then we'll have to have more sex.
Dr. Cuddy: Okay.
Dr. Cuddy: What are you doing?
House: I got bored with the porn on my computer. You got any girl on girl on girl on vibrating object on girl stuff?
Dr. Cuddy: But you used to have sex with her.
House: Well, it was a massage plus happy ending sort of thing. Now it's more of a sad ending. (brightly) Because of you!
Dr. Wilson: They're identical. Do you even want my input?
House: No.
Dr. Wilson: Then why'd you invite me?
House: Who'd drive my car home if I buy a bike?
Dr. Wilson: How are things going with Cuddy?
House: Great. We've gotten to fifth base. That's two home runs, and then she gives me back a triple.
House: What's your position on legality of illegal break-ins?
Dr. Chase: That's more of a second-week type activity.
Dr. Cuddy: You used a $3 million piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?
House: Cool, right?
Dr. Cuddy: Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.
House: As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.
Dr. Cuddy: As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.
Sam: I drove across town to treat a ribbon?
House: That's why I prefer lying. It makes things easier.
