I'm dead. How do you want to spend your last five months?

House [to Wilson]

Is this hell? An eternity of people trying to convince me to live?

House: He's happy.
Amber: He's dead.

I know you'll do the honest thing. You'll lie.

Foreman: You're stealing this guy's oxygen!
House: There's oxygen everywhere.

I can't even get stoned without some annoying jerk thinking I need to be analyzed.

From what I hear, nothing black is tiny. Except your penis.

House [to Foreman]

I think it's time to accept you're smarter than me.

House (to Wilson)

Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain.
House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?

Wilson: Just dinner?
House: That depends on how much you have to drink.

Adams: He just wants to die with a little dignity.
House: There's no such thing.

I need to turn Wilson from a terminal idiot to an interminable pain in the ass.

House Quotes

You're an ass!

Dr. Adams

I'm gonna pretend to go to work now.

House