Cuddy: I haven't dated anyone since you.
House: You know what they say, once you go gimp...

Cuddy: It's a privacy curtain.
Foreman: Wasn't working.

Cuddy: I don't get it.
House: You masturbate to Owen Wilson.
Cuddy: I meant the box.

House: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Dr. Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get your ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Dr. Cuddy: Of course... you showed her that filthy cartoon. What kind of idiot lets a three-year-old watch that?
House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there seems to be more relevant examples.

I can't fix his problem. I am his problem.

When things go run, I don't wanna hope I'm not alone, I wanna know it.

Dr. Cuddy: You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain. Drugs, sarcasm... keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you.
House: As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?
Dr. Cuddy: Pain happens when you care. Y-you can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears. And you're not willing to do that.

Dr. Chase: Do you want me to quote from First Corinthians? 'Cause I can do that.
Dr. Cuddy: As a Jew, I'm gonna have to decline that offer.
Dr. Chase: Don't know what you're missing. St. Paul was really on his game.

Julia: And House is cool with this? I mean, you guys...
Dr. Cuddy: We've only been together a few months.
Julia: Hmm. Seems like a lot longer. Probably because you've been talking about him for ten years. And by talking, I mean ranting about wanting to smash his teeth in with a stapler for being such a jerk.
Dr. Cuddy: People change.

Dr. Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Cuddy: It's like dating a ten-year-old.
House: God, I hope not.

House: I could do better.
Cuddy: I don't think you can.

House: If you don't make it, I won't sleep with anyone for at least a month.
Cuddy: Make it two.

House Quotes

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House

You're an ass!

Dr. Adams