Drew: Everything I own is in this box.
Lucy: A hat, some ramen, and a car battery? Don't you have personal things?
Drew: I had that battery a long time.

I'm actually going to return those pants. They were skinny jeans and I couldn't pull them off. Literally. Took me like an hour to get them off.

Cox: About as ridiculous as your five o'clock shadow. There's times I'm doing rounds and I feel like I'm teaching Yasser Arafat.
Denise: Really? I see a slightly gayer George Michael.
Cox: Oh, I so see that.
Drew: Could you please be more alike?

Denise: What's going on? You texted that someone was coding in here.
Dr. Cox: You texted me, "come and show me your boobs."
Drew: I may have switched those texts, which does raise the question, why did you come, Dr. Cox?

Dr. Cox: I have a hospital full of incompetents hammering me with asinine questions every second of every day.
Todd: Uh Dr. Cox, your patient in three is septic. Antibiotics or vasopressors?
Dr. Cox: Antibiotics first.
Drew: That wasn't so dumb.
Dr. Cox: Wait for it...
Todd: Oh did you get my request for scrubs that hug a little closer to my wham bam?
Dr. Cox: Thank you Todd for being the example to a point you don't understand.

Lucy: Drew, you're our leader, let's get this going.
Drew: Get what going? I rarely listen to you people.
Cole: Seriously Big D, if I fail out of here I have to go to med school in the Caribbean. Dude, I don't speak Caribbesian, so tell us what to do!

Drew: Strawberry frosting, nice?
Denise: Hey you got fruit, dairy, enough sugar for a month. What else do you need?
Drew: A spoon?
Denise: Use your fingers, Queen Elizabeth.

Denise: I need your help. I have a patient that had to pee on a ski lift so she pulled her pants down and her butt froze to the seat and when she got off she lost most of the skin on her ass.
Drew: What's the question?
Denise: Can I laugh at that?
Drew: That depends, is she within ear shot?
Denise: No.
Drew: That's funny. No butt skin.
Denise: I lied, she's right behind you.

J.D.: Denise brought some non-alcholic beer.
Denise: Yeah, I got it for this dude I'm railing, he used to be an alky.
Drew: Not an appropriate time to bring all that up, but there it is.
Cole: And I brought some sensual body chocolate. What's the situation with the big old D's? Got any milk yet?

Drew: You haven't done any cutting on the cadaver yet.
Lucy: I can't wait to get in there.
Cole: Hells yeah. My woman's gonna go all Edward Scissorhands on his ass. I'm making a hedge.
Drew: Is he really good in bed?
Lucy: He'd have to be.
Drew: I'd hope so for your sake.

Lucy: Drew, we haven't really connected yet.
Drew: Nope.
Lucy: Is this because I slept with Cole I invalidated myself as a person?
Drew: Pretty much.
Lucy: I get that.

Lucy: Morning sunshine. You look rested. Wow, and making time for the paper, that must be nice. Later you munch.
Elliot: Did she call me a butt munch?
Drew: She didn't use the word munch, but I can't think of any other prominent type of munch, so yeah I think she called you a butt munch.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 20 in total

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

J.D.: Will you tell me what Jake's fantasy was?
Elliot: Nope.
J.D.: Did it involve chains?
Elliot: No.
J.D.: Whips?
Elliot: Mm-mm.
J.D.: Candle wax?
Elliot: No.
J.D.: Role-playing?
Elliot: No.
J.D.: Lasers?
Elliot: Mm-mm.
J.D.: Hamsters?
Elliot: Negative.
J.D.: Was he a Mexican apple thief?
Elliot: If only...

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