Favorite Eli Stone Quotes
Maggie: You're an object of ridicule, a professional pariah, reduced to barely practicing law.
Eli: Thank you, I feel better.
Maggie: You're sucking up to God. There are better ways.
Eli: Yeah, well, God and I enjoy a pretty complicated relationship. At least now I'm starting to believe in what He wants me to do. (pauses) It's like I see things now, you know. Things that were always there but that I just never noticed before.
Maggie: Like people who need help?
Eli: Sir, you have to tell Solinsky that I'm unavailable... tell him anything... tell him I got hit by a bus.
Jordan: Even if I got to drive it, I couldn't do that...
Dr. Chen: (in Chinese accent) You always show up, no appointment! Dr. Chen not Jiffy Lube! Come back Friday.
Eli: I went to the doctor, the real kind. You wouldn't, uh, happen to have any needles for an inoperable brain aneurysm I inherited from my alcoholic father who I wrongly hated for 20 years?
Dr. Chen: (Chinese accent completely gone) Oh wow, that totally blows, bro.
Eli: Is this about Solinsky?
Patti: It's about your representing that scum-sucking lizard.
Eli: Well, if it bothers you so much, why didn't you say something?
Patti: Like what? That you're lower than Dick Cheney's bunion to be his lawyer?
Dr. Chen: Lie down.
Eli: Is it needle time? I love needle time.
Dr. Chen: You're never allowed to call it needle time again.
Eli: (pointing to George Michael) Brad, do you know who this is?
Brad: Yes, Bono!
Eli: What was the song again?
George Michael: I Want Your Sex.
Eli: Sorry, you're not my type. (chuckles) It's a joke.
Eli: If you don't mind me asking, why me? Why did you come to me?
George Michael: Well, you might think I'm the odd one now. But (brief pause) the other night I had a dream, and in the dream I was completely lost when someone told me I needed to find a lawyer. (pauses) Named Eli Stone.
Eli: Sir, you're unusually quiet. Are you feeling okay? (touches Jordan's sleeve)
Jordan: I feel fine. Don't ever touch me again.
Eli: It's a welcome-back gift from your personal week. How was it?
Patti: Personal.
Eli: Patti, do you notice something strange about Maggie?
Patti: I don't notice anything other than strange about that girl.
Lenore: So, his father and I went outside to find Eli naked covered in feathers and chocolate syrup.
Eli: Thanks, Mom. [to Nathan] And thank you, too.
Nathan: Come on, I was ten. Just be glad I couldn't find tar.
