Favorite Emerson Cod Quotes
Emerson: Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.
Ned: I suffer from uncontrollable types of deep sleep?
Emerson: What's the other one?
Ned: "Acrophiliac".
Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
Olive: Me, too. I used to think "masturbation" meant chewing your food. (awkward silence) I don't think that anymore
Chuck: Do you believe in reincarnation?
Emerson: Hell no. The planet's falling apart. Right now, it's the children's problem. We reincarnate, it's our problem
Just because there's vodka in my freezer doesn't mean I need to drink it. Wait... yes it does.
Emerson: You can't die of evilness.
Chuck: Happens all the time you do something mean or hurtful to someone like tell a secret... Bang! You're dead.
Olive: Or Bang! You're not really dead you're just pretending to be dead while other people who think you're dead are heartbroken.
Emerson: Or Bang! You talk too much and you both go wait in the car
Oh no, see, this is how it all ends. Some weird guy comes in saying stuff that don’t make no sense. And by the time your head realizes “Hey, this weird guy makes no sense,” your guts are all over the window.
Ned: I asked you not to use the word "zombie." It's disrespectful. Stumbling around squawking for brains? It's not how they do. And "undead"? Nobody wants to be "un"-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? It's like saying "I don't disagree." Just say you agree.
Emerson: Are you comfortable with "living dead"?
Ned: You're either living or your dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and then you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"?
Emerson: Contacted the company that makes these doors under false pretenses. They gave me a sample ID badge which I digitally altered using the magnetic code that matches the serial number of this machine. Is that cheap?
Chuck: (holds up an ID badge as well) I don't know. Is this? I gave the security guard a hug goodbye. My upper body distracted him while these things I call "hands" took this off his belt.
That ain't a grain of salt. That's one of those blocks they give cows to lick.
I suppose I could pay my bills with blind kids' smiles. But their money is a lot easier.
Emerson: Rhubarb.
Olive: What's that mean?
Emerson: PI secret code for 'get me a damn slice of rhubarb.'
Olive: This isn't Pies r Us, Pie City ... this is a bells on the door, pies-baking, mom and pop place. We chit chat here. Chit!
Emerson: Chat!
Chuck: Isn't that what a PI is supposed to do, investigate? Isn't that the fun part?
Emerson: The fun part is counting my money in the bubble bath.
Emerson: You don't know nothing about about her, except she had soft lips when she was 10.
Ned: That should be enough.
