Evan: So today, we are gonna meet ten women. They're gonna ask us what we do for a living. We're gonna tell them and we're gonna be so charming about it that at least one of them is gonna be interested in your services.
Hank: And the other nine?
Evan: They'll be interested in mine.

Hank: Who is that guy Jill's talking to?
Evan: Not you.

Hank: Look, if you like her [Tess], then ask her out.
Evan: Did she tell you to tell me that?
Hank: Yes, by my locker, before homeroom.

Hank: Relax, I wasn't making a move.
Evan: 'Making a move?' You actually just said that?
Hank: I've been out of the game.
Evan: For how long, since the sinking of the Lusitania?

Hank: Well, I'm ready to leave.
Divya: We just got here.
Evan: You know what? I'm actually with Hank on this one. The average age here is dead.

Evan: So we agree to disagree?
Hank: Like we always do.

Hank: What's with the Johnny Cash fashion tribute?
Evan: I'm in mourning.

You're more than a genius man.

I'm not going home, he's coming back guaranteed.

Anyone else dropping by? Some huddled masses? Fagin's band of street urchins?

Divya: Tell her it won't take long.
Evan: (in very bad Italian) The clock, it will not last long.

Evan: I love ya.
Hank: Like you.

Royal Pains Quotes

It's Divya!


Paige: I know you won't be saying things like that if I ever get pregnant.
Evan: When you get pregnant.