(toasting at the restaurant)
Hank: To Allison.
Divya: To Valentina.
Evan: And to two more checks in the mail.

(after Divya asks Evan to translate her words to Valentina)
Divya: Valentina may have TB.
Evan: I'm not getting a disease. Are you kidding me? Especially one I didn't have any fun catching.

(alighting a golf cart) Note to self -- get a car, preferably one with doors.

Evan: 1986 called. It wants its shorts back.
Hank: (wearing short shorts) I missed laundry day this week. Cut me some slack.

(as Boris and his party leaves)
Evan: Whooo, man crush!
Hank: You're seduced by anyone with an entourage.

(staring at Ms. Newberg's breasts) Uh, you look fantastic, ma'am.

(as Evan runs into Jill in the street)
Evan: Hey, don't I know you?
Jill: They just don't make pickup lines like they used to.
Evan: I have been labeled a progressive.

Evan: So today, we are gonna meet ten women. They're gonna ask us what we do for a living. We're gonna tell them and we're gonna be so charming about it that at least one of them is gonna be interested in your services.
Hank: And the other nine?
Evan: They'll be interested in mine.

Hank: Who is that guy Jill's talking to?
Evan: Not you.

Hank: Look, if you like her [Tess], then ask her out.
Evan: Did she tell you to tell me that?
Hank: Yes, by my locker, before homeroom.

Hank: Relax, I wasn't making a move.
Evan: 'Making a move?' You actually just said that?
Hank: I've been out of the game.
Evan: For how long, since the sinking of the Lusitania?

Hank: Well, I'm ready to leave.
Divya: We just got here.
Evan: You know what? I'm actually with Hank on this one. The average age here is dead.