Mrs. McCluskey: Gaby, those kids of yours are turning into serial killers before our very eyes.
Gaby: Okay, I'm not going to argue with you because you're sick and totally correct.

I'm always getting my Mexicans confused, which I'm allowed to do because I'm Mexican.


My husband's an alcoholic so I can only drink at work.


Gaby: You can't dress for church if you want to move the 'merch. You gotta shake the rear to make them buy the gear. You wanna sell some knits, you gotta flash the...
Carlos: Gaby! I got it.

She also has the right to remain horny.



Do me a favor and wait until I leave to restock the books. I can't cry again today.


Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.

It's like royal wedding with a hint of slut.


You better watch. This phone has a whoop-ass app.


Juanita: First, kissing. Then, get married. Then, he buys me presents.
Gaby: Oh my God, you are my daughter.
Gaby: Wow. Booze, loose morals, and swearing? Too bad, there's no more Bree left.

Bree: I don't like your accusatory tone.
Gaby: Well, I'd use a different tone, but I'm trying to accuse you of something.

It's a cop funeral. What do you expect... clowns?


Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.


(after Andrew tells her he hates her) The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care, and we're still connected and I still have a chance to set you right.