Gob's Wife: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
Gob's Wife: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael!
Gob's Wife: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me - me.
Gob's Wife: I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
Gob's Wife: I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.
Gob: To be with your brother ...
Gob's Wife: No!

Michael: Is this about the money?
Gob: No.
Michael: What do you want?
Gob: I mean, it's not about money in the sense that I'm coming here saying, "Here, Michael. Take some money." It's just more of a "may I have some" kind of visit.

I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far, it's been all chain and no ball.

Michael: You're making Dad your best man? That's great. I guess being your brother and solving all your problems for you doesn't qualify me as your best man.
Gob: Hey, if he wants to support me, I'm not going to tell him to go to hell. Don't worry. You're still ...
Michael: What, invited?
Gob: No, I was going to say you're still the guy I want solving my problems. But, yeah, let me talk to Dad about that invite ... Situation.

Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? (laughs) This party is going to be off the hook.

Gilligan killed the skipper ... stripper!

Gob: Yeah, I think that they're going to know that Annyong's not your --
Annyong: Annyong.
Gob: Would somebody please tell this insufferable child ... to ... God!

(Sees Buster and the stripper both knocked out)
Michael: I'm calling the cops.
Gob: No!
Bix: We're changing again, guys.
Gob: No. No cops!

Gob's Wife: Gob. I want out. I'm in love with your brother ...
Gob: What?! (turns to Michael) You did it again, you son of a bitch! (punches and knocks out Michael)
Gob's Wife: ... In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought.

Gob: Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone else to clean up your messes.
Gob: See, that's great ... And that's just off the top of your head.

Michael: Let me tell you something. You may not be a father, but you are my brother.
Gob: I might be a father.

Gob: Spring break. It's my favorite holiday. Nothing gets me more excited.
Michael: I can see that. You might wanna button that shirt up.
Gob: Nah, I'm good.

Arrested Development Quotes

She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over. And then she'll take an egg and kind of...mmmm! She calls it a 'mayon-egg.' Are you okay?

George Michael

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom