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(performing a card trick) He takes his queen and showers her with diamonds! (pulls a club from the deck) Clubs. Club sauce! He showers her with club sauce. All right, that'll be my line if that happens.
- Permalink: He takes his queen and showers her with diamonds! Clubs. Club s...
Rita: Is that a magic trick? I love magic.
Gob: I don't appreciate the dry British humor.
- Permalink: Is that a magic trick? I love magic. I don't appreciate the dr...
Gob: Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city, put it outside the window, tell them it's far away. It'll look real if you squint. God knows they're squinters. (looks at Larry the surrogate) What do you think, dad? A whole, tiny town.
George Sr./Larry: Another brilliant idea, Einstein.
Gob: Really? You'd like to build it with me?
George Sr./Larry: Larry really never knows how to sell the sarcasm. It's a stupid idea.
- Permalink: Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what th...
Bob: Somebody tipped them off that the property wasn't ready for building
Lucille:Which it would have been if Michael wasn't so busy with his English muffin.
Lucille: I need a drink.
Buster: I'll take an English muffin.
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Lucille: I think he's being sarcastic, Gob.
Buster/Larry: No, I'm not, mother. I mean, lover. I like making love to mother ... I mean, lover.
Gob: Oh, my god, Buster. Is that you?
Buster/Larry: ... Yes.
- Permalink: I think he's being sarcastic, Gob. No, I'm not, mother. I mean...
Gob: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant.
Narrator: Gob has been a Judge Pageant for years.
Gob: Can you believe what it does to your sex life?
Michael: I don't wanna hear it.
Gob: I don't wanna say it. First place, chick's hot, but has an attitude: doesn't date magicians. Second place, is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third of all, although a little bit plain, her super low self-esteem. So I step in and lay her 'crown' upon my sweet 'head'.
Michael: Have I missed this euphemism?
- Permalink: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant. Gob has ...
Michael: (about Steve Holt) Your son?
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I heard the jury's still out on science.
- Permalink: Your son? According to him. And a DNA test. I heard the ju...
I think we all feel that way about our mothers. And we all have legs.
- Permalink: I think we all feel that way about our mothers. And we all have ...
Michael: I'm not going to lie to your son.
Gob: Come on! I lie to yours all the time.
- Permalink: I'm not going to lie to your son. Come on! I lie to yours all ...
Tobias: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
Lucille: Those are illegal!
Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
- Permalink: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie. Those are illegal! ...
Buster knocked her out; I only gave her the roofie!
- Permalink: Buster knocked her out; I only gave her the roofie!
Lucille: What the hell did you do?
Buster: You curious, Mom? I can show you. (shows his fake hand)
Lucille: You made a mistake. You're human.. except for the hand.
Gob: It's okay, she's alive. And soft. Soft and alive. (caressing Rita's hand)
Lucille: All right, let's not add that to the charges.
- Permalink: What the hell did you do? You curious, Mom? I can show you. ...