We’ve emptied your bladder, filled you full of antibiotics, and away we go!

Ken Keller's not going to die. Not on my floor and not in my sweats.

Hans: I hit my face on the ice and broke the floor of my eye socket. I was saving my little brother when he fell through.
Hank: Of course you were.

Jill: I thought you weren't worried about Hans.
Hank: I'm not, but I'm worried about you.

Evan: I can't even comprehend it. How does a guy just walk out on people like that?
Hank: Practice.

Even my dad, the reformed hustler and flake has beaten me to the altar.

Life just keeps throwing us curve balls, doesn’t it? Curve balls filled with anxiety.

With Boris, nothing is as simple as it seems. The last thing I want is to be sucked into a hospital bureaucracy.

I will be right here the entire time.

Money doesn't change people, it just shows them who they are.

Hank: What's he on?!
Emma: Bath salts!

Hank: What's she getting into?
Evan: A chauffeured Bentley.

Royal Pains Quotes

Ken Keller's not going to die. Not on my floor and not in my sweats.

Hank

Jill: I thought you weren't worried about Hans.
Hank: I'm not, but I'm worried about you.