Betty: Besides, we get to meet all of our family members and practice our Spanish. "Hola comi a tu sobrina."
Ignacio: You just said "I ate your niece."

Ignacio: and you just quit beauty school...
Hilda: I didn't want to quit, they just stopped appreciating all of this

Ignacio: Hilda, you were out with Santos. I heard you climb the drain pipe. Did he at least walk you to it and give you a boost?
Hilda: You never let up, God I hate this house! I'm so out of here when I'm fourty!

Ignacio: I'm starting not to remember the feel of rain, the smell of freshly mowed grass...
Hilda: Papi, we live in Jackson Heights. The grass smells like fried onions.

Hilda: Okay, there is no way you are going to her house!
Ignacio: Hilda, I need to meet the lawyer.
Hilda: Yeah, in an office with florescent lights and witnesses...

Ignacio: Mrs Meade, what do you take in your coffee?
Claire: With vodka and ice, hold the coffee

Hilda: I can't have my clients see you in your crabby old man pajamas..
Ignacio: You worry about yourself, you're crabby in the morning

Ignacio: This is the first time I get to vote...
Hilda: Papi, last year you voted five times on Dancing with the Stars
Ignacio: Only because that Kristi Yamaguchi is an Asian ball of fire

[Hilda is cutting Igancio's hair...]
Hilda: I have to practice.. come on papi you said I could if I gave you a beer
Ignacio: Yeah but you had two
Hilda: I was nervous

Betty: Dad thank you for coming, I have to get back to work
Ignacio: I was just concerned
[Ignacio takes out camera]
Ignacio: ... and I was hoping to get a look at the shemale!
Betty: Dad!
[Betty takes camera]

[about dating Constance to get his green card...]
Ignacio: I don't play that game
Tucson: You want your green card? You don't have a choice man. You ride that squishy train until you reach your destination

Betty [on hidden bluetooth]: Betty Suarez
Ignacio: I know, I named you

Ugly Betty Quotes

There's the drunk I remember!


Nothing says NY like theater.