Nurse Jackie

Saturdays 9:00 PM on Showtime
Nurse jackie

Zoey: I haven't been able to go all day.
Jackie: Zoey, you can't talk to me when you're peeing.

Jackie: Get out. We don't [take drugs] here.
Temp: It takes one to know one.

Mo-mo: So, what happened?
Jackie: I didn't realize it was our anniversary and that makes me a terrible person.
Mo-mo: Anniversary?
Jackie: Yeah, it's been a year.
Mo-mo: A year? Wow, I had no clue.
Jackie: Neither did I.

Jackie: I had a fight with my boyfriend.
Mo-mo: That is just wrong. How do I not know you have a boyfriend?
Jackie: Honey, you do all the talking!
Mo-mo: I do, don't I?

Zoey: Can I at least take the knife out?
Jackie: No, Zoey. Never remove a foreign object protruding from a patient. The surgeon does that, you understand?
Zoey: (whispers) But it's so tempting.

Jackie: Zoey, come here. Put your hand on here. Hold it firmly.
Zoey: I can do that. Sorry, I'm just saying I could do more important things here.

Jackie: (to "God"): Stop picking on my nurses! Alright, pick on criminals, pick on white guys!

(voice-over) Look at that. It's supposed to be Florida. Who draws Florida with no sun? It's the goddamn Sunshine State!

Okay, it's very simple. Everything they tell you, you type in their file, whatever they don't tell you, but you know to be true, type in their file.

Zoey: Nights are different.
Jackie: Yes. More stab wounds, more drunks, less nutjobs, less children. Okay, you prioritize by condition. Gunshots, stabbings, cardiac arrest followed by bleeders and shallow breathers.
Zoey: Shallow breathers. Got it. What about someone who can't breath at all.
Jackie: They are already dead. They go to the waiting room.

Jackie: You don't usually work nights. What's up?
Mrs. Akalitus: You tell me. You make the nurses' schedule, always working with your favorite people. I'm concerned about the level of socializing.

Zoey: I can't believe she took the money!
Jackie: Yeah, but bullshit like that comes in all the time, clogs up the waiting room, slows everybody down. Wasn't even my 20, I got it off a dead guy in the morgue. (Zoey looks at her) Just kidding, Zoey, just kidding.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 85 in total

Nurse Jackie Quotes

Don't ever say "ta-da." The only people that say "ta-da" are magicians or idiots.

Jackie Peyton

Percoset should never be crushed and chewed, unless you want it to hit your system like a bolt of lightening. Which is only a problem if you're afraid of lightening.

Jackie Peyton
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