J.D.: I have to get ready man. I want my date with Kim to be perfect. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?
Turk: Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.
J.D.: Yeah but except this time with two horses.

J.D.: Hey Tubby!
Carla: Oh J.D., I want you to feel the baby, come here quick!
(J.D. leans in to feel, at which point Carla smacks J.D.'s ears)
Don't call me tubby!
J.D.'s Narration: Pregnant witch!

J.D.: You do the Zoom Zoom?
Kim: Of course. I invented the Zoom Zoom.
J.D.'s Narration: Liar!

J.D.: Gloria, I need you to change the dressing on Mr. Curnses wound.
Gloria: And I need you to suck it!
J.D.: Wow Gloria! Do you kiss your great great great great great grand kids with that mouth? Zoom Zoom Zoom!

J.D.: I was going to make you dinner and then go to karaoke but I don't know how to do both the same night...Unless of course...
Elliot: J.D., not floating head doctor.
J.D.: Too late, I'm already there.

Elliot: Tell me every detail about the first date.
Kim: We went horseback riding on the beach.
Elliot: Ah yes, I have been on that date.
Kim: Oh really?
J.D.: What? I had a coupon.

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.

Kim: See ya round six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!
J.D.:It's mine.

J.D.: Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
Kim: I'm pregnant.
J.D.: What now?

Kim: So, Josh, you are suffering from a condition called phimosis. It's basically a hardening of your foreskin. As part of your treatment, I'm going to ask that you masturbate five times a week.
J.D.'s narration: Help the poor kid out...
J.D.: Wow five times a week, huh? For me that would be cutting back!
J.D.'s narration: He said in front of his future girlfriend.
J.D.: You know what? I should probably mosey.

Head loves karaoke.

Turk: All right. Kim's right there. We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence that if you pull it off...you're back in the game.
J.D.: I'm afraid, Mocha Bear.
Turk: I know...buck up. (Turk pushes J.D. over to Kim)
J.D.: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Oh, hey. J.D., how are you feeling?
J.D.: Well, uh... The swelling's gone down...for now.
(Long, dramatic pause)
Kim: (Laughing) You're an idiot!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1681 in total

Scrubs Quotes

Check it, I put orange soda in my IV bag, I'm like a hamster yo.

Cole

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

×