Yeah, I'm counting down the minutes till I can get in that guys pants.

Everyone has had sex in my room!

What is this? The last night of drama camp?

I want to thank everyone for an amazing dinner. Special shout out to Winston for a shockingly good toast.

I know you're not a stripper, but is there any way you can take your short pants off?

I'm sorry for my friend objectifying you, but in her defense, you are fine as hell.

It's like my hearing is what a dog hears.

Welcome to your bachelorette party 2.0.

I said chill day in, but did I mean it?

Is this change of plans an overreaction to something?

Jess: Nick, are you eating raisins from my purse? I confiscated those from a kid.
Nick: That explains why they're so sticky. Sticky Nicky eats anything and I don't get sick.

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.