Jess Day Quotes
I'm in a limo! I wish I had really long legs so I could stretch 'em out the length of the limo!
Jess: Have you guys been baking?
Coach: Aww, nah--a bakery downtown exploded, don't bother looking into it, it's not on the internet.
Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?
Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!
Jess: Nothin' but net!
Coach: Traditionally, that refers to hitting nothing but the inside of the net.
Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?
I thought you said you were afraid of camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was going to fly in your head and learn all your thoughts.
Nick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."
I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.
Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.
Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. That's vindictive.
Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!