Jury duty was quite simply the tops.

Schmidt: Oh good lord! I'm marrying Nick.
Jess: Duh.

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Why does he act like the Pope when he's happy?

OK, yes, she's a hot slob. Ever since she got boobs people stopped making her do stuff.

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

Schmidt: I know this might seem crazy and probably a little bit impulsive, but it's not, not for me. I've known since the minute that I've met you.
Cece: Oh god, you're going to say something stupid, aren't you?
Schmidt: Girl, will you marry me?
Cece: Yes. Yes, yes, yes!
Jess: We're getting married!

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

We're just covering our asses, while you're uncovering yours.

If you feel things getting sexual say, "shut it down!"

He looked nice in the picture! The frame cut off the bottom of his beard, so how was I to know it was braided into a beardy-tail? He asked me to the food court near his house; I thought that was down-to-earth, and I like that. He didn't bring any money, so we had to go back to his apartment, and also he wanted to show me some of his old baby clothes.

"Hubba, hubba, mama in trubba."

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick