This looks like an ad for a bong making company.

Jess: Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people.
Winston: You know what else they bred in a lab? Pugs.

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

I do all her work and she does all the working of her cleavage.

Jury duty was quite simply the tops.

Schmidt: Oh good lord! I'm marrying Nick.
Jess: Duh.

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Why does he act like the Pope when he's happy?

OK, yes, she's a hot slob. Ever since she got boobs people stopped making her do stuff.

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

Schmidt: I know this might seem crazy and probably a little bit impulsive, but it's not, not for me. I've known since the minute that I've met you.
Cece: Oh god, you're going to say something stupid, aren't you?
Schmidt: Girl, will you marry me?
Cece: Yes. Yes, yes, yes!
Jess: We're getting married!

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

We're just covering our asses, while you're uncovering yours.

New Girl Quotes

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach