Jess: Nick, are you eating raisins from my purse? I confiscated those from a kid.
Nick: That explains why they're so sticky. Sticky Nicky eats anything and I don't get sick.

Oh my god, I'm going to be friends with a gas celebrity.

This looks like an ad for a bong making company.

Jess: Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people.
Winston: You know what else they bred in a lab? Pugs.

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

I do all her work and she does all the working of her cleavage.

Jury duty was quite simply the tops.

Schmidt: Oh good lord! I'm marrying Nick.
Jess: Duh.

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Why does he act like the Pope when he's happy?

OK, yes, she's a hot slob. Ever since she got boobs people stopped making her do stuff.

Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

Schmidt: I know this might seem crazy and probably a little bit impulsive, but it's not, not for me. I've known since the minute that I've met you.
Cece: Oh god, you're going to say something stupid, aren't you?
Schmidt: Girl, will you marry me?
Cece: Yes. Yes, yes, yes!
Jess: We're getting married!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Paul Ryan 2020.

Schmidt