What's up, Coach? You have so many sweatpants! You need to buy normal pants!

Nick: I know where you live!
Jess: And I live where you live!

Boob season's over, for you!

You don't like lakes, I don't like space! It's okay!

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

You're Abby Freakin' Day. You can do whatever you want. Except vote.

Ooh, bonus shot of Dad getting a haircut while eating spaghetti!

Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?

Nick, I never thought I'd say this, but I need to be alone with Prince.

I'm in a limo! I wish I had really long legs so I could stretch 'em out the length of the limo!

Jess: Have you guys been baking?
Coach: Aww, nah--a bakery downtown exploded, don't bother looking into it, it's not on the internet.

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick