New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXFavorite Jess Day Quotes
If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!
Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.
I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.
If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.
I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.
You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!
Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn't. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets.
Sam: Hi - are you Katie? I'm Sam from CupidMatch.
Jess: And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.
Nick, I need you.
Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!
Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?
I can't let you fluff me. I can't let you work in emotional porn! You have too much to offer.
