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New-girl

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.

If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Sam: Hi - are you Katie? I'm Sam from CupidMatch.
Jess: And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

I don't know the words!

Nick: In March, I will have been living with Schmidt for 10 years. I know that because he sent me an e-mail asking how I want to celebrate our tin anniversary.
Jess: How did you become friends? Was it an accident? Did you hit him with your car and you became his reluctant caretaker?

Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn't. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 113 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess
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