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New-girl

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess: Do you want to know what I'm wearing under this shirt?
Nick: Yeah, sure.
Jess: An invisible shirt.

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.

If somebody walked in here and saw us, they'd be like, "Look at these two totally normal roommates. I bet they never sucked face." But we did. You sucked my face.

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

Sam: Hi - are you Katie? I'm Sam from CupidMatch.
Jess: And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.

Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?

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