Oh my boss is singing "Closing Time."

Jim: You gotta figure this out.
Andy: How?
Jim: Have sex with a woman.
Andy: Oh, yeah!
Jim: Then a man. Then compare.

Jim: [Dwight walks back to his desk] 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds?
Dwight: None of your business.
Jim: So I guess I can assume that was personal.
Dwight: [Dwight stares at Angela, buttoning the top button of her blouse] Fine.
Jim: So maybe you're not completely ethical after all.
Dwight: Yes, maybe I'm not.

I wanna clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.

Jim

Phyllis: It is so nice to go out with another couple.
Pam: Anything to get out of that office.
Phyllis: I know.
Bob: I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass, that other jackass, and that new jackass.
Phyllis: He's talking about Michael, Dwight, and Andy.
Jim: Yeah, I understood.

Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. Aaaand, that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.

Jim

Pam: So Santa, what can we expect from this party?
Phyllis: It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good!
Creed: What if you've been bad?
Phyllis: Oh, then nothing but a lump of coal for you!
Creed: What if you've been really, really bad? Like more evil, and strictly wrong.
Jim: Okay, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal.
Phyllis: Yeah ...

Charles: Hey Jim can I get a, um-
Jim: Hi!
Charles: Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.
Jim: Sure!
Charles: Yeah.
Jim: Okay.

The Albany Branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so that we all could go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight.

Jim

Andy: Tuna! I'm engaged!
Jim: I know. That's awesome, man. That's great.
Andy: Mr. Andrew Bernard... got a nice ring to it.

Jim: [picks up phone] Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim: Okay, I can't help you with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Jim: She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?
Jim: She's high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about... Angela. Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that.
Jim: Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.

Michael: Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into jello.
Jim: Okay. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I've always been your biggest flan.
Michael: [laughs] Oh, nice!! That's the way it is around here, just kind of goes round and round and round...
Ryan: [playing along] You should have put him in custardy.
Michael: Oh, hey! Yes! New guy, and he scores!

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael