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Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Andy: [dressed as a kitten] Meow. Sweet 'stume, dude. Who are you supposed to be?
Jim: Dave.
Andy: Cool.
Jim: You are? A cat?
Andy: We were looking for "kitten."

Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.

Jim: What's up?
Dwight: Milk is coming in, she's getting uncomfortable.
Jim: Dwight, don't be gross.
Pam: No, no he's right.
Dwight: Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy.

You've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering what's going on. Well, you're not alone.

Andy: [on gay rumors] For the record I prefer women, but off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Jim: Really.
Andy: The evidences are stacked against me.

Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least nine times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.

We're calling an audible. That's her call because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle... who happened to get her pregnant.

Jim: Quick question — do you play the guitar?
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that...yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy: [singing] You know I can, my man.

Bob: Everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. [Bob does so]
Jim: No way, a 280?
Pam: Wow, that's impressive.
Phyllis: Okay. Now everyone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.
Jim: Yikes.

Dwight: What's this?
Jim: Looks like a red wire.
Dwight: Hmm. It wasn't here before.
Jim: Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires.
Dwight: Yours doesn't.
Jim: Doesn't it?
Dwight: No, it's going in a different direction then the other wires.

Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out, maybe more.
Jim: Oh, yelch. Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that going.
Pam: Yay!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 442 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.