Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?

Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird.

My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.

Jim

Creed: [playing chess] No. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do this, I'm gonna do that.
Jim: Well, what if I just do this?
Creed: You don't want to do that.

You know it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap but, I had to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after ... 15 minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good.

Goldenface: Sorry about your friend, Scarn.
Michael Scarn: The joke's on you, Goldenface. That man's a wanted animal rapist.

Jim: Hey, thanks a lot.
Pam: Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell... which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan!
Jim: Oh, yeah, How have we not talked about this already? I mean what happened there? Kidnapping?

And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear.

(as Goldenface) Oh someone's coming alright.. the only man who would care - Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here and I'm gonna kill everybody then I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife and I'm gonna hump her real good. Hahahaha!

Well, congrats!

" It's just a really important day for me. Jim
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 442 in total

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy
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