Andy: Beer me!
Jim: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength.

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Michael: Dwight, what's your middle name?
Dwight: Danger.
Michael: Something with a 'K'.
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad I know that.

Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!

Dwight: What are you doing?
Michael: What are you doing?
Dwight: Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
Michael: You, you like that?
Dwight: C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.
Michael: Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it.
Jim: Ding Dong.
Michael: [to Jim] Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael: Dwight, get the door.
Dwight: I'm not answering it.
Michael: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: No way, it's the KGB.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Michael: I'm not gonna answer it
Dwight: I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.
Jim: The KGB will wait for no one!
Dwight: It's true.

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Jim: Hey you got a second?
Deangelo: Yeah, I got tons of time. This job's a joke.

Jim: Really?
Pam: [in character] It wasn't me. I ain't goin' down for this!
Jim: I want to go home.
Pam: Get the keys out of my purse and start the car.

Dwight: Bigger the key chain, more powerful the man.
Jim: That's right...janitor said that.

I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have realized he can do just as much damage in the dark.

Jim: I will grant you one wish.
Pam: I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way.
Jim: Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. [Pam laughs] Dumb.

Toby: Hey Jim!
Jim: Not now Toby! My God!
Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot.
Toby: [walking away] What did I do?

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael