Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Jim: Do we all have a copy of "Threat Level: Midnight" by Michael Scott?

This is a fire cracker-free wedding.

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Pam: Thank God you were there.
Michael: Yeah.
Andy: Did you see who did it?
Dwight: No need we can just check the security tapes.
Michael: Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was driving?
Pam: Oh, Michael.

Kelly: I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!
Jim: Birthday.
Dwight: Frosting.

Michael: Corporate has given Dwight two strikes. They are very, very upset with him. So, as a disciplinary measure, he is going to have to issue a formal apology. Dwight, have you prepared your statement of regret?
Dwight: I have.
Michael: Let's hear it.
Dwight: [unfolds piece of paper] I state my regret.
Jim: You couldn't have memorized that?
Dwight: I could not because I do not feel it.

Jim: Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.
Michael: I know where this is goin'.
Jim: Do ya?
Michael: No.
Jim: Ok. Remember Spider face?
Michael: No.
Jim: OK. 'Cause the quote was, cut off your nose to spiderface.
Michael: Spite her - okay.
Jim: Yeah.

Karen: Hey dummy! Get in the car!
Jim: I'm a drunk driver.
Karen: Yes you are.

Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.
Dwight: Okay, tell him that that's not true.
Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight: Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. [Andy walks away] Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy... nah, he's too far.
Dwight: Damn you.

Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 442 in total

The Office Quotes

Pam: I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired.
Meredith: Do you wanna make appletinis and watch Sex and the City at my place?
Pam: Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided. Yet.

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael
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