Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

Dwight: If you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Michael: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim: Wow.
Michael: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim: Who doesn't?
Michael: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."

You guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?

Michael: Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes, goodbyes are a bitch.

What the hell's a rundown?

Jim: Hey man.
Darryl: What's up man?
Jim: What's going on?
Darryl: Make a delivery.
Jim: Oh yeah?
Darryl: Kelly ordered this online.

Dwight: Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now.
Jim: It's pretty amazing.
Dwight: What up is, what down is, who mom is. Who dad is. It must be tough being here with all that going on.
Jim: Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons.
Dwight: I mean, you're here at work, the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father.
Jim: Is that what happened to you?

Jim: What a night.
Michael: Well it was nice for you. Your friend got engaged.
Jim: She was always engaged.
Michael: Roy said the first one didn't count.
Jim: That's... great. [pauses] You know, to tell you the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam. So...
Michael: Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would've never put you two together. You really hid it well. God. I usually have a radar for stuff like that. [sighs] You know I made out with Jan?
Jim: Yeah, I know.
Michael: Yep, yep. Well, Pam is cute.
Jim: Yeah. She's really funny. And she's warm. And she's just— I dunno.
Michael: Well if you like her so much, don't give up.
Jim: She's engaged.
Michael: BFD. Engaged ain't married.
Jim: Huh.
Michael: Never, ever, ever give up.

Jim: Swore I wouldn't tell anyone this, but in the interest of revealing secrets. Oh my God, this will make your brain explode. Umm, Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months.
Pam: No...
Jim: Swear to God.

Dwight: ... there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful, so he appointed two heads.
Jim: Party planning is literally the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.
Dwight: I am a paper salesman, this is humiliating.

Oscar: Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond?
Jim: Mmmmm... it's like Michael said, it was, um... something else.
Michael: It was ... okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots who put a fish tank in the ground with no cover, and no railing.
Angela: So you fell in.
Michael: No, maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
Angela: So a child had fallen in?
Michael: Not yet.

The Office Quotes

I know you're my boss, but you need to get the hell out of my face.

Ryan

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael