Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Ryan (as NHL coach): On your marks. Get set...
Jim (as Goldenface): Die.

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Jim: You want to talk about it?
Karen: Nope.

Michael: The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
Dwight: That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.
Jim: Actually it sounds like you are.
Dwight: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?
Kelly: If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes, please let us know.
Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.

Jim: Hey man.
Darryl: What's up man?
Jim: What's going on?
Darryl: Make a delivery.
Jim: Oh yeah?
Darryl: Kelly ordered this online.

You gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam.


Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!

Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.

Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?

Jim: Who's that?
Michael: Captain Jack Sparrow - Captain Jack Sparrow Jim!

Jan: Hi.
Michael: Hello.
Jim: Hi.
Jan: How are you?
Michael: Come on in. Good to see you.
Jan: Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe?
Michael: Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?
Jim: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: I have been getting ready and then driving over here.
Michael: Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.
Jim: Really?
Michael: Except driving.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.