Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Roy: I'm glad she has a friend at work that she can get through the day with. That way she's not all, "blah blah blah" when she gets home.
Jim: Yeah, I like talking to her too.

Jim: Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says "Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now." And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?
Kevin: No, it's is she hot, not would you do her. Respect the game.
Angela: Oh my God.

Jim: I'm not talking to you.
Dwight: Who are you talking to?
Jim: Pam.
Dwight: She's not here, Jim
Jim: No, she's not.

Do you shower at night? Or do you shower in the morning? 'Cause I wanna shower when you're showering...save some water.

Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason, so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time, or in my work time. And, did I use the word pointless?

Charles: Hey Jim can I get a, um-
Jim: Hi!
Charles: Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.
Jim: Sure!
Charles: Yeah.
Jim: Okay.

Karen: So what's going to happen to us when I get this job?
Jim: Oh do you mean when I get the job?
Karen: Well, if you get the job then I'd move here with you. Would you move with me? I'm not stupid. I was at the beach. We won't have a future in Scranton. There's one too many people there.
Jim: You mean Kevin?
Karen: Exactly. But you get it, right? Can't stay there.
Jim: Yeah, I do. C'mon.

I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve...I was home by nine.

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