Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Dwight: If you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Jim: I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Dwight: You're a good assistant Jim.
Jim: Not as good as you.
Dwight: That's very true. Get the hell out of here.

Dwight: We're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest.
Jim: Right in the sweet spot.

By two o'clock Dwight will choose himself to be the assistant to his own assistant, me.

Jim: That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority.
Pam: And the fear.

Dwight: Is there a belt above black?
Jim: You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.