Everything I have I owe to this job...this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.

Dwight: If you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Jim: I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Not enough for me? You are everything.

Dwight: You're a good assistant Jim.
Jim: Not as good as you.
Dwight: That's very true. Get the hell out of here.

Dwight: We're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest.
Jim: Right in the sweet spot.

By two o'clock Dwight will choose himself to be the assistant to his own assistant, me.

Jim: That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority.
Pam: And the fear.

Dwight: Is there a belt above black?
Jim: You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Jim: The raise isn't real.
Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Jim: Can't you do something about this?
Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 442 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Robert: You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day?
Andy: Yes I do.
Robert: And you are aware Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans?
Andy: I don't care.

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