Scrubs

Keith Dudemeister Quotes

Keith: Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: She made me watch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Keith: Elliot, I'm not going to tell you who messed up with Mrs. Bess.
Elliot: No problem. I just wanted to have a cup of coffee... Oh and introduce you to my mom.
Lilly: "Mom", that makes me sound so old! I had C-section with all my kids so everything is as it was down there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Keith, you'd better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108 pound skipole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block who, over the next six months, will get fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Mmm we don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.
Keith: Ok, you gotta stop saying that.
Elliot: Look Keith we're role-playing alright? This is not real. Now let's just do this.
Keith: Alright.
Elliot: Promise you'll hold me like this when I'm pushing your baby out my bajingo?
Keith: Alright, I'm putting on a third condom.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dan: So you got the baby fever, huh?
Elliot: Yeah, hopefully I'm already pregnant with Keith's child.
Keith: Oh come on! I'm 25. I haven't even been to Europe.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: I'd like to remember all the carpal bones in the hand with a simple mnemonic device: Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate and Hamate. Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Keith: Hey?!?!
Elliot: It was not directed at you, Doctor.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s Narration: Now that Elliot and Keith were serious, she started buying him gifts.
Keith: Oh hoho. I-It's a mouth harp... awesome.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Listen up.
Keith: You are!
Dr. Cox: We're not doing that anymore.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Later, I'm going to find some aloe and rub it wherever it hurts.
Keith: Well it's just on my back, really.
Elliot: Keith that was innuendo. You were going to work on this.
Keith: Oh right, right, right. Ok umit also hurts under my pants. In my pants! Damnit! I can't get this!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Carla is down there telling Elliot to ignore you so she can regain the power.
Keith: I don't really care.
Turk: Well, you know, this isn't about you, Keith. This is about men everywhere who'd been abused and bullied by women. (Pause) This is about me.
 • Rating: Unrated

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