Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound-and-down

Did this tale end the way I thought it would? Probably not. But as long as I win, who gives a sh*t?

Gross! You're crop dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. Don't be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marblesack.

Is that my thong? Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no no!

There's gonna be an ass ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, f*ckin booger sugar.

If I had to choose, I mean historically, I've always considered myself to be a tit man.

It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.

It's like goddamn cocktober fest in here. I'm excited too, but let's not touch dicks, alright.

I'm wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white.

I got this country wet, and now its time to bend this bitch over and make her cum.

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