Kif: And she doesn't even want to cuddle any more, she just wants to hit me with various chairs.
Fry: You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me.
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Zapp: Now watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coup by congratulating the admiral in his native tongue!
Kif: Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us! I beg you, just use the translator.
Zapp: Kif, just trust me for once. [speaks in alien language]
Translator: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna.
Zapp: Heheh. Oops.
Kif: It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again!
- Permalink: Now watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coup by congratulating t...
Kif: Sir? There aren't that many human beings.
Zapp: A thought occurs: There aren't that many humans.
Lrrr: We're willing to wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers.
Zapp: Hmm. 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring round the clock! I'll do my part. Kif, clear my schedule.
- Permalink: Sir? There aren't that many human beings. There aren't that ma...
Lrrr: We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.
Zapp: Fair enough. How many is that?
Kif: 198 billion, sir.
Lrrr: Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans. And, uh, small fries.
Lrrr: Oh, alright, cottage cheese!
- Permalink: We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. ...
Kif: I've computed out landing co-ordinates, Captain.
Leela: Thanks, Kif. Very nice work.
Kif: Wait, what?
Leela: I said "very nice work".
Kif: This is the happiest day of my life.
- Permalink: I've computed out landing co-ordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kif. ...
Zapp: One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think.
Kif: No, it doesn't.
- Permalink: One day a man has everything, the next day he blows up a $400 bi...
Glab: Zapp Brannigan, you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.
Zapp: I'd like to make one final statement. Kif, c'mere and hold up the flag... And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honour. Plus it was mostly Kif's fault.
Glab: Kif Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonourably discharged.
- Permalink: Zapp Brannigan, you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain ...
Kif: What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir?
Zapp: Take them to the laundry-brig.
- Permalink: What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to ...
Zapp: So, do I have your loyalty, men?
Bender: To the ends of the universe.
Fry: Ten hundred percent!
Zapp: That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kif here.
Bender: Yes, sir, sir!
Kif: Um, may I have a beer, sir?
Zapp: No. You're loyal enough already.
- Permalink: So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. ...