Larry David Quotes
Larry: Big family?
John: Yeah. Five brothers and sisters, you know, Irish.
Larry: You ever catch your parents having sex?
John: No..
Larry: Me either
So I'm really happy with my new sneakers. You know, 'cause they're gray. And, if you think about it's a good color, 'cause white is really too bright and black is like a pair of shoes. And gray is kind of like right in the middle. They look good
Therapist: I see swings of emotion that disturb me a little bit, Larry.
Larry: There's no swings. I'm a hammock. A hammock is very placid
Richard: This is my 28th therapist since 1969. I don't want any more. I don't want to break the record.
Larry: The recap is very hard, isn't it? Your recap is two, three months, isn't it?
Richard: "Two, three months?" That's just the crib!
Larry: I don't really get this fascination that people have with the ocean.
Cheryl: No?
Larry: I mean, I stare at it for ten minutes, and I go, "Okay, I get it.
I don't really like the outdoors, you know. It's not a good place for bald people out there
Larry: How were the garlic noodles the other night?
Alan Wasserman: What?
Larry: The garlic noodles?
Alan Wasserman: I didn't touch your garlic noodles.
Larry: I didn't say you touched my garlic noodles. They were your garlic noodles.
Alan Wasserman: Right.
Larry: But you did touch the shrimp
Larry: This isn't our food.
Cheryl: Did you check the order before you left?
Larry: Yeah, I did, but I decided to take the wrong food home. Thank you for inquiring
Larry: He implied that I was lying about my step-father.
Jeff: You don't have a step-father!
Larry: But I didn't like the implication
You throw in a "fuck," you double your laughs
Trick or treaters: It's Halloween, can we get some candy?
Larry: Yeah, it's Halloween but that doesn't mean you can go around to people's houses and bilk candy from them
Walter [to Larry]: Are you Jewish?
Larry: You wanna check my penis?
