Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The-big-bang-theory

That was Wil -- he's feeling a lot better. Apparently, he's 12-down in the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

Sheldon: Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One? Raj.
Raj: Uh, Xbox One.
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Huh?
Sheldon: Leonard.
Leonard: PS4.
Sheldon: Wolowitz.
Howard: Both great.
Sheldon: Bernadette.
Bernadette: I like the Wii.
Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma

Penny: Okay, look, here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.
Leonard: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini?
Penny: Both of us.
Leonard: So it's a family film.

Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon [running to bathroom]: Here come the waterworks!
Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?

Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate.
Leonard: If only there were a solution
to that.
Sheldon: Seriously. I feel like I've got
a fish tank in my pelvis.

He has a very sensitive butt. Well, it's true. I once saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it all up.

Penny: This isn't your car.
Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.

"Let's just get this over with." Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory, or are we having sex?

Sheldon: No, I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or, you're just a tall, annoying frog.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 405 in total