The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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Howard: Why do you keep assuming it was me?
Leonard: Because you do this kind of thing all the time, and then you try to cover it up.
Howard: Like when?
Leonard: What about when you flipped the Mars Rover, or lost Koothrappali's dog, or almost drove off with that baby?
Howard: Again, it looked like my car, and the baby didn't even cry until his mother punched me with her keys.

Howard: Well, what if we turn off all the lights except for one, and it'll come to it.
Leonard: It's not a moth!
Howard: Don't yell at me. You're not gonna get any good ideas out of me if you're yelling.
Leonard: Okay, so if I remain calm, I'll get more gems like, "Turn off the lights"?!
Howard: Great, we're turning on each other. That's just what the bird wants us to do!

Howard: How the hell did a pigeon get in here?
Leonard: You shut the loading doors, right?
Howard: I thought you did.
Leonard: Do you know what a disaster this is?!
Howard: You mean 'cause this room isn't supposed to have dust in it, and we just let in a flying crap machine

Leonard: Because you don't know how to do cryptanalysis, do you?
Howard: I'm not even sure if it's the right word.

Leonard: What if... what if this is the thing that would've finally let him open that bottle of champagne?
Raj: Maybe he didn't know what to pair champagne with. Strawberries, caviar, oysters. All good choices. Yeah, that look right there is why people eat before they come to your parties.

Leonard: Okay, first of all, the surgery was a success, and secondly, I didn't even want you there.
Sheldon: Wow. I don't know which hurts worse-- my nose or my heart.

Leonard: If there was an asteroid strike,wouldn't you die, too?
Sheldon: I don't know-- I'm smart and scrappy, I think I'd find a way.

Leonard: Buddy, I-I get that you're worried about me and I-I appreciate that, but I'm not going to die.
Sheldon: You don't know that.
Leonard: Well... I do know that it won't be from an asteroid strike.
Sheldon: You know who else said that? Every cocky T. Rex currently swimming around in the gas tank of your car.

Sheldon: If the surgery is successful, the snoring is gone. And if you die during surgery...the snoring is gone.
Leonard: It sounds like either way, I finally get some rest.

Sheldon: I'm listening to you snore. I'm wondering how I'll ever sleep without it.
Leonard: If it helps you sleep, then why are you sitting here
staring at me like the albino boogeyman?
Sheldon: Really, Leonard-- insults? After I spent two hours in your closet waiting for you to fall asleep?

Sheldon: But you don't have a life-threatening condition. Why would you take the risk of surgery?
Leonard: Sheldon, it's a routine procedure.
Penny: I've heard you complain about his snoring.
Sheldon: We... Yes, for the first five or six years, but I've gotten used to it. It helps me sleep. He's like my mucus-powered white noise machine.

Leonard: You know, if you're not gonna learn how to do this, they make some pretty good clip-ons.
Sheldon: Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on. Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him.
Leonard: His name is Alfred, and, yes, he does.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 448 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon